Friday, April 18, 2008

Random Act of Kindness

I left the office for lunch earlier in quite a grumpy mood due to a ridiculous conversation with my supervisor (just another episode that illustrates how much I hate this place). Well I head out to run a few errands and on my way back I swing into a fast food joint to grad some grub to bring back to my desk. Well I'm still kind of fuming over the work drama and I was getting irritated with the slow service in front of me, as the cashier at the "pay here" window seemed to be taking a break to chit-chat with the customer in front of me. I'm sure I was wearing a brow-furrowing scowl... when the most unexpected thing happened. I pull up to the window to pay and the cashier girl leans out, hands me a receipt, and tells me that I don't have to pay for my meal. The look of confusion on my face was probably priceless. Crazy off-the-wall ideas were rolling around in my head in that instant as possible explanations as to why she didn't want my money. Then she looks at the "pick up" window ahead of me and breaks into a huge grin (with her two brown teeth shining, bless her heart) as she tells me that the gentleman in the car in front of me has bought my lunch! She goes on to explain that he said he was a deputy sheriff from a neighboring county and he believes that if you do good things, good things will come your way. So he wanted to buy my lunch as a random act of kindness and ask me to pass the goodwill along to someone else. How touching is that!? It was like my own little "pay it forward" experience from a complete stranger. It completely changed my outlook for the day and now I'm in such a calm mood. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy, like a hug from the inside! I can't stop thinking about what I can do for someone now to pass it along and make their day just like that gentleman did for me. Maybe if enough of us start doing that, it will catch on.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Yielding to my past

Damn traffic laws. Scuba Steve and I have lived within a quarter of a mile from each other for atleast the past three years. Currently, he lives in the very next apartment complex down the road. Yet in all that time, I can probably count on one hand the number of times that we have encountered each other while driving in our area (even when we were still together). It has been so long since I've seen him that I wasn't even sure if he drives the same car or even if he is still living in the same apartment. Well, he does and he is. As I was hurringly trying to turn onto the interstate on-ramp, I found myself having to yield to a vehicle turning onto the on-ramp from the opposite direction (and having the right of way). As I squint isn't that always a great look for everyone I notice that the vehicle I am yielding too looks oddly familliar. And as the sun stops blinding me from the reflection off the windshield, I can clearly see that it is Scuba Steve looking back at me as he pulls right past. What does the world have against me? Of all mornings to have that encounter! I was running super late this morning so I my hair was still half wet, I had on no makeup, was chewing on my breakfast bar, and my face probably looked like I just woke up yeah, I'm that girl that finishes getting ready while driving in to work. Not to mention that I just have not been looking my best lately (see the aforementioned "funk"). I had to follow him on the interstate all the way downtown, but I was sure to slow my roll a bit so as to keep a safe distance behind him so he couldn't get a better look at the mess in the driver's seat of my car. I know that ultimately it shouldn't matter how I look when he sees me because we are not getting back together and he should be just like any other stranger to me by now, but it's different. Every girl knows that you want to look awesome when you see your ex, better than you ever looked when he had you, ya know? And this morning I probably looked like a squinty faced trailer park chick... not the look I was going for for the ex viewing. Stupid yield sign. I think it may have been worth the traffic violation to have cut him off, sped ahead on my merry way, and avoided the situation all together. Lesson learned- wake up 45 minutes early each day and make sure I'm looking fabulous before walking out the door!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Do nice guys finish last?

Ok, so last fall I started seeing a really nice guy. We went to college together, but we never even met back then. We were set up by a mutual friend: his fraternity brother and a guy who I briefly dated in college (a true nice guy himself). Therefore, I wasn't exactly shocked when I figured out that the man I was set up with was suffering from extreme "nice guy" syndrome. If you are not familiar with the ailment, consider yourself a lucky girl... it's not the dream that it may seem to be. Let me paint a picture for you.

Beaver Cleaver and I got to know each other by phone for several weeks before going out on our first date. Before we ever even went out, I had to actually tell him to "stop being a girl". Now I have told men that before, but I was either joking or picking on them. I've never had to seriously have the "stop being a girl" conversation until then. Now, in hindsight, I sympathize with some of my ex-boyfriends who had to deal with me when I was acting like that (now I know better and will be a better girlfriend for it!). Beaver Cleaver was perceptive to my request though and things started to look up. When we finally went out on our first date, things were looking good. I thought he was cute and we had a nice time and the conversation was easy. I just wasn't sure if there was a spark there. But I was honest about it with him and we decided to try a second date and see what happened. The date itself was lots of fun, but the vibe was weird. At some points it was extremely comfy like we had been dating for a long time, and at other points it felt like an awkward middle school dance. I kinda gave up on him after that.

Then I had some seriously bad dates with some seriously bad men. I started to wonder what was wrong with a man that seemed too nice? Nice is a good thing right? Better to go for a man that is too nice rather than a man that is too mean, don't ya think? Besides... I couldn't ever quite get Beaver Cleaver out of my head and he was still persistent with his interest in me. So we went for date 3, probably about six months after we started this whole thing. And it was goooood! It just seemed like whatever was missing finally clicked. He was even giving me the anxious/nervous butterflies! I didn't want it to end... but it did come to end when he had to start his drive home. And that's when it all headed back downhill. So after six months of getting to know each other and three official dates a girl expects the man to have made his first move. Not Beaver Cleaver. Still. No. Kiss. Are you f-ing kidding me? I set him up with opportunities all day long! On Friends, the girls are sleeping with guys by date three. On Sex & the City, the girls are dumping the fellas by date three. And I can't even get him to make a move to hold my hand. Gee Beav! It's a sad day in Singleville. To top it off, he waited for me to initiate the goodbye hug (props to him though because he's a really good hugger) and then he asked permission to call me. Now I'm all for chivalry and manners and yes, please-thank-you-ma'am southern boys, but come on! I brushed it off as a lost cause for a few weeks, but now I am beginning to question if maybe he is worth staying the course. I like him a lot, but his extreme nice guy behavior makes me feel like a hooker for wishing he wasn't quite such a slow mover. He's just soooo "good" that I'm beginning to wonder if he will ever want to be "bad" with me if we continued to date.

Do nice guys really finish last? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Maybe it just appears that the do because the move at a snail's pace...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Morals, don't fail me now!

Oh. My. God. I am having quite an internal struggle at the moment. A certain available gentleman from the past continues to tempt me into undeniably immoral behavior and tonight he strikes again. College Crush and I had a brief drunken make-out session in the middle of Capital Shitty years ago. Unfortunately, I was past the point of fun-drunk and well into amnesia-drunk so I don't actually remember enough details to fully enjoy it. He's soooo cute and so definitely out of my league that he makes me unbelievably nervous! The last time I saw him I was an idiot stumbling over my words all 5 of them that I was able to stammer out while looking at the ground instead of him! We've continued to flirt every now and then because he knows that I crush on him hard of course I know that nothing would ever come of it but the flirting has definitely increased in the past year since he now lives in the subdivision directly across the street (ya know, convenience and all). And since College Crush knows that I am experiencing quite a "drought" since Scuba Steve, I think he takes pleasure in making me squirm when he offers his services. And DAMN do I ever want to sample his services! But something inside me just won't let me do it and sometimes I wish that something would just shut the hell up! Not that I don't have my fair share of moral demerits from the past, but its one things to do something carefree when you are college and can blame it on youthful ignorance and quite something else when you are supposed to be a responsible adult who knows better. I mean, I KNOW it would be worth it, but I also know that I'm looking for more now than just temporary physical satisfaction but ohhhh how satisfying he would be. It is so bittersweet every time he makes his sexy little propositions. One one hand, it makes me grin from ear to ear like a giddy little school girl, but on the other hand it kills me to have to make the personal decision not to give in to that. I just pray that my morals continue to be strong enough to hold me back, but in the meantime I will just enjoy the swarm of butterflies I feel inside every time I hear from College Crush. (Swoon....)

A case of "the funk"

It's obvious that I haven't written anything in a while. I've been in a bit of a funk and writing about it just hasn't been appealing. I think it all started with the message from Scuba Steve and then everything else just really started to cave in on top of it. Long story short... I'm now officially the last child-less woman out of all of my high school friends and it's making me question my life choices. I am completely burnt out with grad school and I'm beginning to question my decision to get an MBA rather than a masters in education. As a matter of fact I have begun to question grad school altogether because I feel as if I have no time for a real life off of campus! I thought by my age I would have some insight into men and what exactly I am looking for but it appears that I am more clueless than ever. And last but certainly not least, I work in the most miserable office ever where I feel trapped bc of the tuition benefit and the unhappiness that that place embeds in me is starting to roll over into every other aspect of my life (I should never have taken the new job, regardless of the promotion or salary increase). So for the past month all I have been able to do is question my decisions and dwell on all the things in my life right now that are NOT how I want them to be. It has left my head spinning to say the least. But I've made some decisions that are enabling me to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I feel like I'm going to be back to my old self soon. Thank you baby Jesus, thank you Oprah Winfrey. One of the recent decisions is that I'm officially job hunting, an undertaking that is slightly discouraging considering my geographical location, but I'm optimistic nonetheless! It's amazing the weight that has lifted off of my shoulders just by deciding to look for a new job. So now that I have a road map albeit still a little blurry to get my life back on the track that I want it to be on, I should be in a better mood for blogging. And hopefully I will soon have lots of new things to blog about as I put some of these changes into place. It all reminds me of one of my favorite sayings from childhood... there is nothing standing in my way except air and opportunity!