Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Teaser

I went to a psychic this weekend. Yep, sure did! I'll be writing about that later today or tomorrow. If you want to know my fate, check back. =)

Done and Buried

I will now admit that yesterday was a very rough day for me. I'm proud of myself for holding it together all day though. I have never felt more hurt, angry, used, foolish, disappointed, or utterly violated as I have felt since yesterday. After work I went to out to dinner with a friend and her fiance and indulged in a few much needed adult beverages ( I rarely drink, especially not during the week!). After dinner, I headed home to call my mama and tell her what had happened with Survivorman. Mamas are always the best consolers, ya know? I let myself cry to her for about 30 minutes and vent about my feelings on all of it. Then I pulled it back together and haven't looked back. As of today, he is dead to me. I've never really understood while people used that term before, but now it makes complete sense. That's the only thing that fits. He is literally dead to me. I may as well have read his name on the casualties list. Sound harsh? Absolutely, and it's exactly how I feel. Now all the energy that I had used praying for his safety and happiness will be redirected to praying that karma kicks his ass real soon. And that's that. Done and buried.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bye Bye Love

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I was feeling all sad for Survivorman celebrating his birthday on deployment. Today, I'm not sure if I would even be so kind as to spit on him if he was on fire. I won't go into detail because some things are just too personal. The gist of it is that he sent me an email that said some very shocking things, things that I would have never expected to come from him, things that further indicate that I have no idea who he really is. I am certain now that he has two very distinct, VERY different personalities and that he completely pulled the wool over my eyes. I was a complete fool and not only fell for it, but ate it up like it was nectar from the Gods! I guess I can only thankful that I'm seeing this now instead of later. I can't even imagine how much worse this would feel if we had already gone ahead with the plan of me relocating closer to his base. So anyway, it's done, over with, finito. No more Survivorman. If there is any compassion in life, this whole chapter will be quickly and completely lost from my memory as if it never even happened.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Survivorman

He's 30 today. It makes me sad that he is celebrating such a milestone birthday so far from home, friends, and family. I tried to make it a little more special for him by sending him a "birthday in a box" with candles, blow out favors, a birthday "lei", a recordable card with me singing happy birthday to him, and some other things. I also sent some home made carrot cake cupcakes (his favorite). I just wanted him to have something like home on his special day and be able to make a birthday wish on his own birthday [cup]cake. I didn't tell anyone that I did that, until now of course, because I'm sure that everyone would think I was crazy, or stupid, or a glutton for punishment, or whatever. I don't care though. I did something special for someone that is special for me and I think that makes me kind, compassionate, and above the tit-for-tat bullshit.
I just hope he got it. They cut off their mail shortly before they are coming home and we are at the point now where he could be home in two weeks (best case scenario, but not likely). I'm not sure how I feel about that. I will be so glad for him to be home so I can stop worrying about his safety every waking moment, but I also dread the nervously sick feeling that I know I'm going to be getting soon, as I wait to see what happens once he's back. I'm pretty much prepared for and expecting the worst, but I've got to see it happen before I can contemplate my next step. Sigh...

So Happy Birthday Survivorman! Hurry home safely.

Peek-a-boo

I learned a very valuable lesson Friday night. Let me tell you about it.

So Friday is casual day at work. That means that we can wear jeans. However, to me it generally means that I get to sleep in a few more minutes, throw on some jeans and whatever semi-casual shirt doesn't require ironing, let my hair air dry on the way to work while I put on minimal makeup with the help of my visor mirror. I'm not proud, but that's usually the way it goes.

Friday afternoon, my dad called to ask me to dinner since I hadn't seen them in a while because of school and my other personal drama that has kept me from feeling social. Of course, I took him up on the offer. Who passes up free dinner from daddy? I had to run a few errands right after work, but agreed to meet up with them shortly after at the restaurant. Ideally, I would have gone home and showered and gotten dressed all over again, but there just wasn't time. But it's just my daddy and my step-mom and they have seen me looking much worse, so I just swing by home to grab a layering jacket and run a brush through my hair. I enjoy a few drinks and a tasty dinner with the parents and head on home. A nice, uneventful affair.

Then comes Saturday. I get an IM on facebook from College Crush. "I saw you at (restaurant) last night." WHAT!?!?!?! Oh my God, what have I done? I thought that I had made it into the clear without running into anyone of importance, when the reality is that I have been secretly spied by hottie-too-hottie College Crush! As I , looking the hot mess that I did, was cramming forkfuls of salad into my mouth and gnawing on steak, he was two booths in front of me... seeing it all. Perfect. I may be creeping back in to the dating scene soon (reluctantly, but what can ya do?) and the #1 lusted after prospect has now seen me well below my best! What have we learned from this episode? ALWAYS look fabulous no matter where you are going or who you are planning to see, because even if you don't see anyone there is no telling who might be seeing you.