Thursday, August 20, 2009

Big Brother

I fully admit that it's an obsession. I love this season of Big Brother so much that it's borderline pathetic. Hell, maybe it's even crossed the borderline now. I live for Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays so I can see what's been going on in that crazy house. I feel like I know then and like I'm just their invisible extra roommate all up in the middle of all the drama. It's sad, I know. You can judge all you want because I already know that's it pitiful. The obsession trumps my pride though. This week I have started following a website that summarizes the good stuff that happens during the 24-hour live feeds that you can subscribe to. That's the last thing I should have started because now I can't stop. I check it during the day in between doing work, as soon as I get home from work, before I go to bed... I'm actually losing sleep because I'd prefer to read up on BB and youtube excerpts from the live feed. I was so close to shelling out $40 bucks last night so I could subscribe. So close! I would never get anything done though. I would lose my job for watching BB feed all day. It's a sickness. This season is going to have to end soon so I can get my life back!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Those Wesleyan girls....

I have a mild obsession with reading vanity plates and vanity embellishments. I found myself at a red light behind this one today and couldn't help but just chuckle to myself in my car.

Thanks to:

AKA... My daughter is a lesbian and I'm finally OK with that because she went an "elite" private lesbian college.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Mondays are Stupid

I am not in a good mood today. It's just soooo a Monday.

Work is redonk and I'll just leave it that. I woke up late. It was rainy and gross outside. Parking is absurd because today is early move in day for students. I made a last minute wardrobe change this morning that has left me sporting a dress that accentuates nothing but fat rolls. Today is my first day of class and I've already decided to skip it because I'm just not feeling academic today and I'm not prepared (aka I need to go school supply shopping). And I'm pretty sure that I just discovered my first deep-set wrinkle. See diagram below.

Mondays are stupid.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Rough weekend =(

The good week turned into a rough weekend. Not that anything bad "happened" or anything. Actually very little happened at all this weekend. I've had a lot of down time, and while it's been relaxing, it's also given me a lot of time to think. For me, thinking time is bad! It always leads me back to "Surviorman". It all started last Thursday when I went to dinner with a friend and she asked about him, if I'd heard from him, etc. She asked if I would ever give him the time of day again anyway, and I knew that the answer was yes. Absolutely yes. Let me back track here...

About a month ago I got a random text from him. I couldn't open it though and the date stamp on it was 12/1/1999. Obviously that's incorrect and I don't know why my phone won't open the text. I can only see the first part of it that shows in the preview line. The same message actually came through twice. I know it's a new message, but I'm not positive when it was sent, why it makes my phone freeze up, what the message means. It has driven me crazy. This actually happened once before back around March, but I choked it up to a weird phone glitch and assumed that it wasn't really a new message. Now I'm wondering if I was wrong back then. What I can see of the recent message says, " I'm guessing I probably won't see you again and I don't..." WTF!?!? It is killing me not to know what the rest of the message says! After careful consideration and some calming assistance from my bestie, I replied to the message by saying that I received something from him but couldn't open it and that if he was trying to get in touch with me he could do so by email. That was almost a month ago and I haven't heard anything. I effing hate my cell phone right now. What a cruel frigging joke this little gadget is playing on me. I've tried to put it out of my mind since then, but the conversation with my friend last Thursday just opened up the gates to a lot of second thinking. What if the phone Gods have screwed with our connection both ways and he didn't get my response? What if he doesn't have my email address anymore? What if he has been trying to break the silence and test the waters via text since March and I have been ignoring him without even knowing it? I can't stop thinking about it.

In addition to thinking about all of that, I've also picked this weekend to try to clear out the old text messages from him that have been saved in my phone for over a year now. Strange timing, I know. I guess I thought that maybe if I clear some of that out it would help clear my mind, but that's not what happened. On top of that, there's a tropical storm in the gulf. This time last year I was ecstatic when there was a hint of a hurricane in the gulf. It meant that there was a chance that his base would lock down and he would get a few free days to come visit during the week. We had some of our best long weekends together because of last years hurricane season. Now, it's just another storm bringing a bunch of rain. Nothing to look forward to anymore, just depressing rain. And tonight was 'Army Wives' night. Sunday nights are always consumed with missing him because Army Wives reminds me of the lifestyle that we had talked so much about, the lifestyle that I was ready to take on just to be with him. I shouldn't watch it anymore, it would make it easier, but I can't help it. It's like crack.

So here I am, eight months out from the last time we actually spoke and it all still comes back to him. FML.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

It's a good week!

This week has been pretty enjoyable! I haven't had one of those in a while, so I'm very pleased about it.

I kicked the week off by going to see one my students in a play. She's so very theatrical and hilarious. I love her to bits. She was Lucy in "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" and she made Lucy the star for sure. It was quite entertaining! I should really get out more on Sundays and enjoy what the community has to offer more often.

I followed that up with a great haircut on Tuesday. I went for the first picture in the previous post, because I'm chicken and wasn't quite ballsy enough to do anything too drastic. It isn't identical obviously, but it looks good on me and I've gotten a lot of compliments so far. It's a familiar style that I'm comfortable with, but just a little more pulled together and stylish. I'm really happy about it. A good 'do can make you feel nice all over.

Last night I had a fun road trip with my mom. We drove up to Atlanta so I could map out my preferred route to campus and see where my class was and everything. It was great just to have some time together to get caught up and chit chat. I treated her to a delicious dinner for riding with me. I also fell in love with Dunwoody while we were riding around. If I move up to Atlanta after the first of the year, I think I am going to try to locate myself in that area. It's so pretty and everything is so nice and cozy feeling. The idea of moving to Atlanta is becoming more and more appealing.

Tonight I am going to scope out my other class in the next town over (I'm a planner, can't you tell?!). I'm picking up a friend along the way and going to dinner afterwards. She's my closest friend geographically and we don't see each other as much as we should. It's hard to mesh our schedules when we are both so busy, but we are going to try to make it more of a priority. I'm excited to catch up with her and just as excited to just get out of the house on a week night!

I hope next week is just as great as this week has been!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Tiff's 'Do

I've found a haircut with bangs that I am very tempted to try to pull off. As some of you know, I would love to look like Tiffani Thiessen. Well, that's not going to happen in this lifetime, but I do love her hair right now. It can best be seen in the 'Funny or Die' skit that was taped not long ago, in which she makes fun of her recent lack of work by saying that she can't make the Saved By the Bell reunion because she's too busy. If you haven't seen you shoud watch it, it's pretty funny. I love it when celebs can poke fun at themselves.
I'm drifting off subject... I can't get the video clip to load here, so I found a few pictures that show the essence of her 'do. I'm a little afraid that I may not be able to pull off bangs that are so short, but it's so tempting because it would be a fun change. What do ya think?

Friday, August 7, 2009

School Days in the Fast Lane

How ridiculous is that that I have to take two classes this fall in two separate cities, neither of which is the city in which I live? I think it's absurd and annoying, but I'll do what I must to finish this hellish MBA program and just have it behind me.

I have one class in the next town over, so that's not so bad. I can handle a 30 minute commute after work. The bigger headache with this class is that my tetanus shot has expired and I have to get a new immunization to remove some hold from my account. Now I work at a University, so I understand that there are requirements that must be met, but come on people! You want to make sure that I don't have TB and infect all of your student body. I get it. But what does my immunity to tetanus really matter in the grand scheme of things? I swear I'm not going to search out rusty nails on campus to stab myself with in hopes of a windfall lawsuit. Luckily, I was able to use my position as a higher education administrator to persuade them to issue me a professional courtesy. They waived my hold for 30 minutes so I could get registered for this class before it was filled up. I still have to go get a stupid tetanus shot though. Have you been to your local health department lately? Well I have. I went on my lunch break earlier this week in hopes of just running in, getting the damn shot, and making it back to work within the hour. Needless to say, I left shot-less, afraid, and feeling kind of grimy. That was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I don't recommend it. And what really gets me is that I am going through all this trouble just to take an undergraduate class that I needed as a pre-req for the program, but didn't have. I've already passed the same class at the graduate level, but will they let me exempt the pre-req requirement? Noooo. Ridiculous.

The root of my stress, however, lies with the graduate class that I will be taking in Atlanta. It's only eight weeks long, once a week, and it's my same university (just a different campus) so I kind of know what to expect and I'm comfortable with it. Easy street, right? Uhmm, did I mention that it's in Atlanta? I'm terrified of driving in Atlanta! Terrified. I've been stressing about it non-stop for the past week. I said many, many years ago that 285 is my own personal hell and I stand by that to this day. But my other alternative is I-85 right up through downtown Atlanta in rush hour traffic. I don't know what I'm going to do. I plotted out a route via back roads, but that adds a half hour to the trip. Since I'm already going to have to request to take vacation time to make it to this class by 6pm, I don't think the back roads are an option.

I'm being absurd, aren't I? I know, I know. I just start having panic attacks when driving on the interstates in Atlanta. My palms get sweaty, my throat starts to close up, and my shoulders clinch up so tight that they are up by earlobes! I'm always scared I'm going to miss an exit and get lost, get run over by someone who thinks that 75 mph is a snail's pace, or that my car will break down or throw a tire in the middle of the interstate and I will have no clue what to do.

(Side story)
I haven't always been this way though. It started in college during an ill-fated trip to visit my boyfriend in Alpharetta. I was driving in the pouring rain on 285 late at night, and due to crappy direction and limited visibility I got off at the wrong exit. I was desperately lost! I ended up in some po-dunk unincorporated community near Social Circle. I don't think I could have gotten father from Alpharetta if I had tried intentionally. It was after midnight, raining, and I had no idea how to get anywhere. Finally, said boyfriend had to stay on the phone with me and be my navigation system with the help of internet maps, but I made it! So you can understand my apprehension on the way home a few days later. I decided to avoid 285 altogether and just drive straight through Atlanta. I was doing fine until all of a sudden I realized that my lane had turned into an exit completely unannounced. It was too late to do anything about it and before I knew it, I was in Techwood. Now I hear that after the Olympics, certain parts of Atlanta have drastically improved and that's great. However, this was pre-Olympics! My stance is that whenever you find yourself in a location that you have heard about in rap songs, it's not good. Insert panic attack. So you see, my fears aren't completely unfounded!

I digress...

If any of you have any tips or suggested routes to get to the northeast corner of the perimeter during rush hour send them my way! Wish me luck, I'm skeered.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Snip Snip

Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I'm still not really sure myself. Maybe it was the style tip I read about what is "in" for the fall, maybe it was the co-worker who I was staring at during my staff retreat, maybe it was the grotesque feeling I got when looking at pictures of myself from the weekend, maybe it was just time for a change, or maybe it was a combination of them all. All I know is that Saturday morning I woke up and took the scissors into my own hands, literally.

Bangs. I cut myself bangs.

Now I have snipper's remorse. They turned out shorter than I wanted, despite my attempt to start out long and work my way up if needed. I was going for the long side swept look and instead I look like a 12 year old who had gum stuck in her hair. I've tried a few different styling products to help make the best of them, but as of today the best fix is a bobby pin. Now I'm torn between waiting it out until they grow into the long wispies that I envisioned or just going for it with thicker "facial" bangs that might help mask my scissor snafu it would be something different at least. Either way, I'm seeking professional help.

Drinking with Co-workers

The retreat wasn't so bad! I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. This year, there was minimal "meeting" and lots of socializing. It's amazing how much work relationships can change when there is a lot of booze involved.

Annoying-new-girl-at-work still got on my nerves every minute of the trip, but I ended up bonding with the bitch of the office over our shared hatred of her. It's great to know that I'm not #1 on her shit list anymore.

There was a good bit of company funded pre-drinking before our evening outing of bowling. Then I was so tipsy (since I rarely drink these days) that I thought it would be a fabulous idea to order a round of jello shots. Yes folks, I tossed back some jello shots with the work peeps. The bowling scores were down, but the fun was up! I made some highly inappropriate comments about (and to) our hottie hottie 24-year old twins in our division and took advantage of every opportunity for physical contact, no matter how slight. I contributed to conversations that I would normally never have in front of co-workers, including such taboo subjects as anal bleaching. Yeah. WTF? And at the end of the night, me and two of my most fun co-workers decided to break into the pool area and take a dip in all of our clothes. Well two of us did. One was so blitzed that she actually stripped down. It was so much fun and it made me feel young again. Who knew you could have so much fun drinking with co-workers?! But now it's back to reality and everything has returned to suck-ville. I'm not convinced that our office would be much more functional and pleasant if we had a daily cocktail brunch.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Is this day over yet?

Thank goodness it's almost bed time! I'm exhausted. What a week. Last night was my third (and worst) night of less than 4 hours of sleep. My sleep-deprived crabbiness set off a massive argument with Fireman Bobby last night. It astonishes me that I can have such dramatic break-up worthy fights with men that I'm not even dating, but it's actually not a rarity for me. This was a doozy though, not necessarily the worst fight we've ever had, but definitely the worst result. We aren't speaking now. So of course that just started my day off all bright and shiny this morning.

Work was horrendous to say the least. We are in the friggin peak of the "busy season" and I felt like my head was going to go spinning off of my neck at any moment. Work is bad even on a good day, so today I was actually have chest pains from the stress. To top it all off the geniuses running this thing decided that this week was the ideal time for our staff retreat. Wonderful. What does that mean? It means that I had three days to get five days worth of work done (didn't happen). It means that I have to make arrangements for my fur-baby, pack my bags, and miss out on my free time that I've been looking forward to after 5pm tomorrow. Instead, I'll be packed into a van full of people that I can barely stand, fighting Atlanta traffic just so we can eat at The Varsity because a drive-in with 50 people will be "fun", sitting through 5 straight hours of listening to my boss's boss talk about being a "family" when he doesn't even recognize half of our faces when we pass by and say hello, struggling to stay on my diet in the wake of The Varsity and dinner out some fancy schmancy place, and sitting on the damp ground in business-casual wear while trying to endure the humidity and insects that are sure to attack as we watch the mandatory gay ass laser show portion of the evening at Stone Mountain. A retreat is supposed to be something pleasant and relaxing. What about this sounds like a "retreat" to you? Dreadful. The only silver lining is that I get a solo hotel room and don't have to share with a random co-worker like some of the others. Thank goodness for that.

So after my ridiculous, will-this-ever-end day at work, I dragged my pitiful self on to class and proceeded to humiliate myself on my Finance final exam. It was ugly, I can't even go into it. I'm just praying for a curve and a C. But regardless of how bad that grade is sure to turn out, it is such a relief to just have it behind me. No more studying for a few weeks. Hallelujah!

To top off my crappy day, I rolled on over to the the mall in my a/c-less vehicle to look for a new top to wear tomorrow on the trip. Trying on sizes that you don't even want to touch underneath the most unflattering dressing room lighting ever is NOT the way to end an already bad day. Just take my word on that.

Enjoy the rest of your week folks! I'll be away in staff retreat hell.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sleep Deprivation - Addendum

I took half of a bottle of "5-hour energy" this morning and I'm feeling kind of spunky! I can still tell that I'm dead tired underneath the faux energy fix, but it is definitely doing it's job. I think I might actually make it through the day now. I may purchase some more of these and use them when I need to work out because it's giving me a feeling of nervous energy that is making me want to move around a lot.... like a kid on a sugar high. I can't imagine how spazed out I would feeling if I had taken the whole bottle!

Sleep Deprivation

I've been up until at least 3am the past two nights. That means that I'm rollin' on 8 hours of total sleep in the past 48 hours. Not. A. Happy. Camper. I said at the summer that this semester would be the death of me, and I have almost proven myself right! I'm so exhausted and I just want to have this all behind me so that I don't have to worry about project or papers or finals ever again.

Despite my late hours, I still didn't finish up my final last night. It's due today at 5pm and I'm at work all day. That leaves me with only one choice. I'm about to sit at my desk and finish my final, while under the guise of being busy with real work. That's right, I said it. " Hello, I'm a sorry ass employee." I just don't care. I hate my job so much that I'm pretty much always mentally checked out at this point anyway, so I may as well be able to be productive with things that are of importance to me, right? I'm really not usually such a slacker at work, but it's finals week! And we are going to be out of the office Thursday and Friday anyway so it's certainly like everything would get done this week even if I tried. So now I'm off to finish my final before my head hits my desk in search of some REM.

Monday, July 27, 2009

On the menu today....

I'm pretty sad. As mentioned before, I am on a diet. That's not news though. I am always either on one of two extremes: dieting or eating like the grocery store is going out of business.

Well this week, it's dieting. So for breakfast I had a slice of whole wheat toast and 2 egg whites. I read that Jillian Michaels said it's the best breakfast choice when trying to loose weight. It's supposed to get your metabolism moving while keeping you full and keeping your sugar intake basically null. I have to say that it does a good job.

But now it's lunch time and I'm hungry! I forgot my sandwich. That's like the saddest thing that has happened all day. I didn't actually forget it, but a series of events that occurred this morning (which I won't go into because they make me look not so great professionally) made it impossible for me to bring my sandwich in with me. So I'm sitting her nibbling on my 14 allocated fat-free pringles for lunch, soon to be washed down by the citrus green tea that I left in the fridge last week.

Why don't I just go out and grab some lunch you ask? Well as of yesterday, the a/c in my car isn't working, despite the fact that I just shelled out about $800 bucks to have it fixed two months ago. And I can't walk across the street to the coffee shop because a) I don't trust myself not to be tempted by their divine 3-chocolate brownie and b) the split in the back of my skirt split a little further than intended this morning when I was squatting down to a bottom file cabinet. And as hungry as I am, I don't think I want the world to see the glory land that is my upper thigh/lower ass area. I am going to be so hungry by dinner time!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

My Fireman

Fireman Bobby is home! I'm happy about this, I really am, but this just seriously complicates things for me. I don't think I've mentioned him here before. There hasn't been much to say since he's been in Iraq for about two years. He's not military though, he was there serving as a contract fireman aka making hella bucks!.

Bobby and I started off pretty hot and heavy around five years ago. It didn't go far though because of distance, timing, and my issues with dating someone that already had a kid. We've stayed really close though and over the years we have run the gamut from the aforementioned "hot and heavy" to being the best of friends and everything in between those extremes.

The problem is... this is the first time that we have both been single and in the same country in quite some time. The last time we were under these circumstances, we were definitely more than platonic friends and now that he is back that's where he wants to pick up from. That is ohhhh so tempting! But I don't think that it would go any further. And I'm not even sure how much "further" I am looking for. It just always gets so complicated with us. Not to mention the fact that I'm not feeling very "hot and heavy" worthy right now since I'm so out of shape.

But how can I say no to something so ridiculously fantasmic!? What is it about a fireman in his gear?


"Procrastination is like masturbation. It may feel good for a while, but in the end you realize that you just screwed yourself."

That's one of my favorite quotes, as vulgar as it may be. I'm drawn to it because I am the queen of procrastination. I entered the weekend with a shit load of school work to do and a master plan to spread it all out over three days to ensure that I got it all done. I sit here now on Sunday afternoon with not one thing completed! In my defense, I am almost done with a paper that I finally began last night, but that's not much progress in the grand scheme of things. I still have to finish the paper, take a 4 hour take-home final, do a finance project that I don't even begin to understand yet, and study for another final that I have this week. Oh yeah, I definitely just screwed myself!

And I know this! I know that I have so much work do that I may not even be able to finish if I work straight through for the next 12 hours. Yet, what am I doing? Am I hard at work on anything? Nope. I'm finding absolutely anything to keep myself from doing any of it. I've vacuumed, I've cleaned my dogs ears, I've started laundry, I've read blogs, I've played on facebook, I've experimented with a recipe in the kitchen, I've made lists of things to do later, I've even cleaned the baseboards in my bathroom, and now I'm blogging about it. Is that sad or what?!

Why do I put myself in this position all the time!? I'm screwed.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Comeback Tour 2009

Hi, remember me? I've been in hiding for the past three months, but I think I might be back. I've been inspired by my old friend Leslie to return to the blogsphere. I'm going to try my best to keep it up this time, since I really do enjoy it. It's just a matter of finding the time and I'm going to work on that. So I here I am, kicking off The Dandelion Chronicles Comeback Tour of 2009.

Let's get started...

First, let me get up to date on what's been going on in my world lately. Coach Bobby did indeed get cut from the lineup a few months ago. It was unfortunate to have to cut such a nice, attractive fella. However, when an incident arose involving an empty ring box and a fake proposal "just to see what [I] would say," I knew that he was a little too psycho-adjacent for my taste. Sayonara Coach Bobby. Meanwhile, The Spaniard wants us to get married and have kids like next week and we haven't even been out on a date together in over 2 years. The Virgin has somehow worked his way back into my prospects, College Crush is now in a serious LTR and that pisses me off even though I have no right to be pissed, and Fireman Bobby is home from Iraq for good (you'll probably hear more about that later). And I received a random text from Survivorman this week completely out of the blue. I couldn't open it for some reason though, but I wrote back anyway. That's the first time we've broken the silence since December, but I haven't heard back from him again, so I'm not going to let myself get too worked up over it. So that's the current status of my social life in a nut shell. Click here if you need to refer back to my "man roster".

I made the aggressive, yet foolish, decision to go to graduate school full-time this summer in an attempt to hurry up and finish this effing degree. Summer is the busiest time EVER at work. I'm normally working until at least 7 or 8 every night and still finding myself behind and never able to catch up. Because of that, I haven't even been brave enough to try part-time classes in the summer since, which is why I haven't graduated yet! So I just jumped right head first with summer classes, which means that I must leave work at exactly 5pm on the dot to go to class because classes start at 5pm. Obviously, this means that I'm late to class everyday no matter how hard I try to rush. So my days go from 8am to 10pm. It has been a LONG summer. Actually, that's an understatement. I've been on the verge of a complete mental breakdown since the beginning of June (so much so that my parent's have gotten really concerned!). But there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so close now that it's blinding me! If I can just make it through next Wednesday aka one more paper, one project, and 2 finals , I'll have the summer semester behind me. Then I will just have one graduate class and one undergraduate pre-req class left. I'm going to take one in Atlanta and one in the next city over. So by the end of this year, I will finally be done with this God-forsaken MBA program!

So with so much stress this summer, you can bet your Big Mac that I've been doing a lot of stress eating. Yes, I'm a stress eater. I eat my feelings, eat to stay awake, eat to calm down, eat to smother out the psychotic screams that I often feel bubbling up in my throat. So I'm a friggin' whale. I started a WW/Biggest Loser program with several of my girls a month or so ago and I was doing well at first, but then mid-terms came and spurts of extra craziness at work and I fell off the wagon. And I fell hard. The wagon basically ran over my lard ass. But I'm back on track as of this week and I'm trying desperately to catch up, but I'm already feeling winded. Hopefully, I will be able to make some progress with my extra free time that I will have in between summer and fall semesters and I'll be able to keep it up. If so, I'm sure I'll be writing more about that.

Work. What to say about work other than I hate it and it sucks the life out of me. I have to be here at least until the first week of September in order to take advantage of the free tuition, but then I am a free woman. I would be more excited about that if the job market weren't so bleak right now. I've been looking and there just aren't many ideal opportunities out there right now. And when I throw in the possibility of relocating after the first of the year, it makes me think I may have to ride it out in the office from hell a little longer. I'll go into more detail about the relocating later. I'm kind of pumped at the thought of it.

So that's the gist of what you've missed me rambling on about it. Aren't you glad I summarized it so briefly instead? I'm excited to get reacquainted with my blog. Let's just hope the blogging bug sticks this time!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Pearl Funk

Have you ever just felt too ugly for your pearls? Have you ever felt like you really shouldn't have put them on because you are not looking classy enough for them? No? Is it just me? Well, that's where I am today. I feel gross and, more importantly, I feel like I look gross. I'm disgracing the pearls...

Monday, April 27, 2009

I'm torn...

It's been about 3 weeks now since I've been seeing Coach Bobby and I'm still not sure what my feelings are about it. He has gotten major bonus points for admitting his own flaws and letting me call him on it (for example, his motormouth-itis!). He says that he knows he's hell to handle and that he's lived with himself for 31 years so I'm never going to tell him something he doesn't already know about himself. I've gotten pretty comfortable telling him when he is going on and on about something I can't stand to hear about for another second and telling him when to hush up. I've just never dated such a big ball of nervous energy. I told him that I know he can be chill, because I've seen him calm and laid back before (our second date, my favorite so far). A few days after I told him that, he asked me when I was talking about so that he could try to be like that around me more. Aww, now that's definitly an A for effort!
He also asked me about Survivorman last week so I told him a brief summarized version of that saga. He was really considerate and just listened and didn't trash talk Survivorman or anything. He said he understood that it must still be a tender subject and he was more than willing to take it really really slow because he thinks I am worth the wait and he's not going anywhere. I swear, some of the cheesy things that he says are straight out of a B-rated romantic comedy, but they're sweet nonetheless. But despite what he says, he is trying to move this "relationship" along at about the speed of light. When I agreed to first meet him for lunch, I thought it might be fun to have another casual dating partner and see how it goes. But now I feel like I would be cheating if I saw anyone else (it would definitly crush him!) and I just don't know I got to this point. It has completely screwed up my on-again-off-again situation with the Spaniard, but that's a different story.

He's also just super sweet and gentlemanly. We met for lunch last week at the same place that we went for our first date. It's right across the street from my office so I called to make sure that he was there before I walked over. When I got there I couldnt find him anywhere, so I called to make sure that I hadn't mistaken our agreed upon location. He asked me if I was already there and when I told him that I was there waiting, he sheepishly admitted that he had lied when I called earlier because he was really sitting on the bench outside of the front entrance to my building waiting on me with a surprise. Well, I went out the back door that day so I kind of ruined it, oops. When he finally walks up to the restaurant he hands me a long stemmed red rose awwww! and while I'm admiring it and smiling ear to ear he pulls out a tall SmartWater bottle to act as a vase while we are sitting at lunch. How thoughtful was that!? And when we order, he remembered exactly what I had ordered there two weeks prior and asked if I'd like him to order that for me. You know what that means.... he pays attention. He really is just the sweetest.

That being said, I'm still just not sure yet. Contrary to my initial hunch, he has not had much of a dating history and that scares me. I'm not really a trailblazer in that aspect and I prefer to tread where other women have already beaten a distinguishable albeit, sometimes overgrown path. I'm not really a fan of taming the wild, undomesticated, or uninhabited, so to speak. Other points of concern/annoyance include the way he speaks (not the voice, but the delivery), the fact that he wants to hold my hand ALL the damn time, the general untidyness of his bachelor pad, the fact that he has already told his family all about me, the fact that he brought up the word "girlfriend" last night, the fact that he acts like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him (it's sweet and flattering to a point, but there is a fine line before it makes me start questioning things), his constant calling when he has been notified that I'm not really a phone person, the way he interrupts me when I am talking, the way he kisses (but that's trainable), a super big secret that he told me last night that is making me struggle not to judge him (even though I admire his honesty and am flattered that he felt comfortable enough to confide in me), and the fact that I can't decide if I'm attracted to him or not. When I'm around him and in the moment I am attracted to him, but when I think about what he looks like later or look at pictures, I'm not so much.

I'm just so not sure. I don't want to pass up a good thing, but I'm just not sure what is holding me back. Is it something justifiable that makes us an undesirable match, is it just missing that crucial "spark" factor, or am I just not over Survivorman enough to open up to someone else yet? It would be so much easier if I knew the answer to that. Dating is sooooo difficult! Have I ever mentioned that I see the benefits to arranged marriage....

Friday, April 24, 2009

Today is like damnit

I am having a very "blah" kind of day. It's the kind of day where nothing is really quite right, but nothing is exactly wrong enough to complain about either. I feel disgusting. I overslept this morning so I had to go with the "natural" air dry look for my hair today. I hate what I'm wearing, it just didn't work out like I planned. I have chipped the polish on my big toenail and I feel like it's just shining for all the world to see, looking all kinds of janknasty. I hate my leather seats when it's hot out because they make me sweat like a ditch digger from Tijuana. I had a banana shake at lunch to try to drown my funk and of course that is now making me feel Jerry Springer fat. The a/c in the office is not up to speed with the heat, so that is making me irritable. To top it all off, Goldie quit today (yeah, like we didn't see that coming...we were practically praying for it). So add that in with the fact that we are already down 3 people today and that equals me running back and forth from my office to the front trying help the front desk associate with everything that still has to be done, including everything that Goldie left completely abandoned on her desk this morning. AND front desk associate is leaving at 3 today and my boss is in a meeting the rest for the day, which means that I will be manning the phones and foot traffic and not getting any of my own work done since I will be the only person in the office for two friggin hours. Ughhh! I just want to go to bed and start over fresh tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Spring fever!

Spring is a time of renewal and every year I follow nature's lead and clean out the old and bring in the new. Fortunately or unfortunately for my wallet, this time of renewal also allows me to do my part to help save the economy. I've been doing a lot of spending lately, but I don't consider it a bad thing because I'm not being wasteful. I'm simply purchasing things to help improve my little piece of the world. Here are a few new additions that are helping me clean out the old and bring in the new.

The Dyson DC25 Animal Ball vacuum. If my soul mate came with an electrical plug, this would be him! I have wanted a Dyson for sooooo long, then they came out with the Animal and it just intensified my desire. When they debuted the Animal Ball, I could barely contain my exuberance! Lucky for me heeheehee! my previous vacuum died recently... but by natural causes and not without every effort for resuscitation, I swear! It just so happened that my friend Claudia purchased this lovely Dyson for herself in the midst of my Hoover's illness. After hearing how much she loved it, I couldn't be swayed. I HAD to have it! I live with a Golden Retriever for God's sake, it's a necessity and I vacuum every day. I justify this extravagant purchase by noting the superior quality, the 5 year warranty, and the fact that I would have to purchase a new vacuum now and another in about 2 years and those would add up to the purchase price of the Dyson anyway. So, whatever... I got it. And I LOVE it! I also got some great hanging organizers for my purses and bags. Now I just need to organize my closet so I can put them up.

I also spruced up my patio a bit to put me in the mood for spring. I have some lovely hanging purple jew plants, pink begonias in my flower boxes on my railing, and some yellow dahlias in my cutesy metal planter. It makes me feel very cheery to look out my door with all of the happy colors. Now I just need to clean my Adirondack chairs so I can actually go out there and enjoy it!

And I've done a little spring shopping. I feel like all of my clothes go missing when they are packed away for the season, I don't know. Plus the fact that half of my clothes from last spring don't fit because I'm a fat ass... but we won't go there right now.

I think this thin yellow tunic from the Gap will look cute with some jean capri's and the bonus is that I can also wear it to work this summer with khakis!

I got this skirt in this lovely shade of coral and also in brown. They are cotton and comfy and with a cute tee, they will be perfect for quick weekend errands or going to the ballpark (if I continue to see Coach Bobby).

I adore these dresses. They are so comfy and I can dress them up or dress them down. Casual dresses are my favorite in the summer because they are so quick to just throw on without leaving you looking like a total mess. I can wear them to work with a little cardigan or summer jacket. I'm pumped.

P. S. Sorry for those who use google reader and got this post before there were any words on it. I had an accidental case of premature posting.

Friday, April 17, 2009


A new receptionist started at work this week. She's a hot mess fo' sho! She wasn't exactly the first choice, but there were some issues with Human Resource policies that I won't go into here. I have taken to referring to her as Goldie (but not to her face!). You see, she has a large gold tooth right up front on her grill. It's classic ghetto at it's finest. Other note worthy points about the train wreck that is Goldie: the large chunks and yes I do mean CHUNKS of visible dandruff nestled snuggly atop her weave, and the kickin' case of halitosis that she so proudly shares with anyone within four feet of her. And I'm not pointing fingers here, but have you ever heard the phrase "dumb as dirt?" I'm just asking.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Death & Taxes

I am one of those people that wait until the very last minute to do things. I'm such a procrastinator! Now in my own defense, I don't usually procrastinate on things that might effect other people. However, I have no qualms about pushing the limit when it will only screw myself over. That's what I almost did this year with my taxes. I always have to pay (because I'm too much of a procrastinator to ever actually amend my W-4) so I'm never in a hurry to file and part with my money. Last week I kept telling myself that I needed to remember to do my taxes over the weekend. That little reminder came and went and my taxes never did make it to the front burner. Then yesterday afternoon one of my favorite students (and one of the hottest.... hey, he's well into legal territory so don't judge!) came in to talk about his account and as I playfully reprimanded him for not submitting something to me already, he told me that he has just completed his taxes last week. I almost came up out of my desk chair with panic! I frantically grabbed my calendar to see what the date was. Phew! Only the 13th! My heart rate was up for nothing I hoped. So last night, I completely lucked out and found all of the paperwork that I needed in my jumbled basket of unopened mail (that's the one are of my life in where my OCD does not tread!). Upon the suggestion of my hottie little student, I used an uber-easy website to file since I had waited too long to use my parents' turbo tax. To my oh-so-pleasant surprise, I only owed a combined total of $22 for both my state and federal! Yay! Now I need to work on either getting married, buying a house, or popping out a kid so I can get some tax breaks soon!

With that, I will leave you with my favorite quote about procrastination. I warn you that it's crass and unladylike to repeat, but it just makes me laugh.
"Procrastination is like masturbation. It might feel good while you're doing it...but in the end you realize that you just f***ed yourself!"

Monday, April 13, 2009

Chatty F'ing Cathy!

I may have spoken too soon! After Fridays date I was digging Coach Bobby hardcore. Then came Saturday. I went to the little league game and it just started out on the wrong foot immediately. As I approached the bleachers, I was spotted by my boss and she called me over and asked me to sit with her. I was dreading that possibility, so of course that would happen. Throughout the game, Coach Bobby teetered between excited-little-league-coach-adorable and spazzed-out-over-excited-annoyance. After the game we went to the nearby pub/restaurant to have some drinks and socialize with his friends. Hi friends were very nice, really they were. However, each and every one of them individually asked me what high school I went to and I could see the shift in their faces when I realized that I was a product of public school <GASP!!>.

There were parts of the day when I saw parts of Coach Bobby that I really, really liked... like when he spent 30 minutes in the game room entertaining his best friends little 2 year old daughter. But then there were other times. Times in which I thought I was going to loose my mind if he didn't shut the hell up! Yes folks, Coach Bobby is one of those men who will talk and talk and talk just for the sake of hearing his own voice. It's quite unfortunate. And of course, you know how it goes when you notice something that you don't like about someone.... it ends up being ALL you notice. What makes it worse is that I don't like the way he talks. It's impossible to explain, but I just hate the way he stresses certain syllables or faces that he makes while talking. I think it may have a good bit to do with the salesman in him. I know it sounds silly, but it's those little things that can make it or break it.

The issue was confirmed when we were on the phone yesterday. After he had gone on and on and on about little league team strategy that I care nothing about, he said, "Well I'm tired of hearing my own voice now, how was your day?" I didn't even get ten whole seconds into my answer before he interrupted me and started talking about himself again! After a few instances of that, I decided that I would just try to talk over him if he tried to pull that again. My chance came up, I tried to over talk him to prove that it was my turn to talk, and he STILL over talked me! Damn Coach, get a clue! To make matters worse... after spending all day with him at the ball park and the pub, he called me later that night and I said that had some things to do so I might call him back later if it wasn't too late when I got finished. That was about 9pm. Instead of waiting for me to call back if I was able (like I clearly explained to him), he called 4 times between 11pm and 1am. Are you effing kidding me!? I'll call you back when I can dude! Ughhh!

So now I'm not sure what to do. Other than his non-stop chatter and his exaggerated form of verbal delivery, he's a great guy! I've never invested time in a fixer-upper, so I'm just not sure. Should I cut my losses now and not waste any more time on someone whom I'm already annoyed with after only 3 dates, or should I give it some time and see if I can groom him into a less annoying conversationalist and a less persistent suitor? I just don't know. Opinions, suggestions, advice??? Anyone???

Friday, April 10, 2009

Matchmaker. Matchmaker, make me a match...

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I think I might owe my little pre-pubescent matchmaker some major gratitude. I had my second date with Coach Bobby this afternoon and I am all smiles! I think he may be the prefect balance between old fashioned gentlemanly manners and manly, cocky, sexual tension. And that balance is ohhh so attractive!

Let me back track to the first date though. He met me for lunch Tuesday at the pizza place right across the street from my office. He told me he was waiting out front for me to walk over. When I got there I saw that there was just one person outside though and it didn't look like him. I was looking at the guy and wondering if I should call Coach Bobby to see if he was inside or something when the guy stood up and starting walking toward me with a smile. It was him. He didn't really look anything like the photo I had seen, but I'm not complaining... he was even cuter in person. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least! Lunch just flew by and there was only about one 30 second lull in conversation when we both happened to be chewing. It was great. When my lunch hour was almost up, we got up to leave and he told me he would walk me back to my office. So we got another 5-10 minutes of conversation in. Then once we got to my office, he even came in to meet my co-workers (voluntarily)! He got major brownie points for that.

We met for drinks this afternoon once he got off of work. He was wearing glasses today and made them look so friggin cute! He was flirty, but still a perfect gentleman. It's sad that good manners are so impressive to me. They should be commonplace, but unfortunately that is not always the case. He pulled my chair out for me, got the door, and held my hand while walking me to my car! Chivalry isn't dead after all! I had such a good time. Coach Bobby, while there are a few things that I'm not sure I love, really is looking quite promising right now. I'm going to need him to kiss me soon so we can see if there is a spark there.

Tomorrow, I'm going to his team's baseball game (he coaches little league, how cute!?). I'm a little nervous because all of the kids on the team and the other coaches know that we were set up by one of the kids. I think we might be a spectacle that gets a lot of attention after the game! Then I think we are supposed to go out to lunch with his best friend and his wife because he wants them to meet me! Ahhhh! I might be freaking out a little!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Batter Up!

Following the catastrophe of a blind date two weeks ago, I was set up with yet another stranger. Now I have been set up many times (probably more than my fair share!), but I must say that this is by far the most humorous set up ever. The comedy of the situation comes from the fact that the matchmaker is an 11 year old boy whom I have only met once for about 5 minutes. That's right folks, an 11 year old boy has taken it upon himself to try to ease my spinsterhood.

The boy is my boss' son and I've only briefly met him when he's come into the office with her and has been forced to display good manners and speak to everyone against his will. Well apparently he was going to suggest his newly single 18 year old sister to his unattached 31 year old baseball coach. When his mother told him that his sister was too young, he asked about the younger lady at work (aka me!). So boy set his matchmaking wheels in motion, told "Coach Bobby" about me, and instructed him to look me up on facebook and send me message. When my boss walked in to my office the next day I thought that some kind of shit was about to hit the fan, because that was the first time in 2 years that she has come into my office and sat down in front of my desk. To my disbelief, she proceeded to tell me that her son had set the wheels in motion to set me up with his baseball coach.

I was feeling pretty awkward about the situation at first. I mean, do I really want to let my boss and her family get intertwined with my personal life? What if I don't like him or what if we hit it off at first and then crash and burn. Will she take it personally? Will I have to filter my venting of work frustrations around him? Is this going to have an effect on my professional standing (good or bad)? All sorts of questions have come up. To make it ever worse, everyone in the office is making jokes and picking on me since they have heard about it. There wasn't one day last week that I wasn't asked about the situation and if we had gone out yet. But I've talked to Coach Bobby a few times anyway, via facebook and phone. We're hitting it off so far, but who knows until we are face to face. We have a lunch date today. I'm all kinds of nervous, but I'll take a swing at it. Batter up!

General Lee Update

Apparently it's a little more common than I would have imagined. I found a photo of this one that is somewhat similar. Still unbelievable...

Blind dates. Wow.

I have had the most "interesting" experiences in my dating life lately. I must share the details of my last blind date two weeks ago! Prior to the date, this guy sounded really promising. He was good "on paper" and we had a couple of great conversations by phone before getting together. Then came date day. We were supposed to meet about half way between each other for drinks and a bite to eat. Well traffic was horrendous that day due to construction. So as I am pulling off of the interstate at our designated exit, I get a call. It's him. Traffic is so bad and he has just been sitting on the interstate for 30 minutes, blah blah blah, "maybe you should just turn around and head home since today doesn't look good". Excuse me? I'm a planner, and I have had this Saturday planned around you and this damn date for the past week and a half. Are you seriously cancelling on me when I'm already here waiting on you (I'm pretty sure that's the same thing as standing me up!) ? I don't think so. So we agreed that he would get off at the next exit he creeped too and I would drive on up further to meet him. So about an hour later, since I got stuck in the same traffic, I pulled up to some random Mexican restaurant. This is where it gets interesting! I'm going to keep the points brief and let them speak for themselves:

1. He wore parachute pants! Yes, indeed. Swishy parachute pants, a cheap T-shirt, and way too white, too big, too nerdy sneakers. Way to dress to impress, buddy.
2. He texted the whole time we were talking.
3. He ordered and had started eating before I even arrived.

And Drumroll please....

4. Picture this - 1997 Geo Metro, custom painted like the 'General Lee'. With the added bonus of the 'General Lee' horn.

That's all I have to say about that.

Monday, March 16, 2009

So Far, So Good!

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted my rant about being a whale. I thought I'd post an update. While I can't rightfully refer to it as Operation G. I. Jane, because I am still struggling to work out hard core, the weight loss aspect is going really well. I'm staying on track with the walk/running , but the push ups, crunches, and other toning and muscle building moves are still severely lacking. I find myself frustrated most days that it's not falling off even quicker, but that's because I tend to set unrealistic goals for myself. However, since the last post, I'm down at least 15 lbs! Not too shabby when I realize that it's only been two and a half weeks. 11 of those lbs have been in the month of March, so I think I am well on my way to meeting my goal of 20 lbs in March. I might have to step it up a bit the next two weeks though, because I'm sure the next 10 will be a little harder (ya know how it goes... the fatter you are, the easier it is to lose). If only I could force myself to wake up an hour earlier to work out in the mornings too! Unfortunately, that's not likely to happen. However, I did read over the weekend that women who went from sleeping 4-6 hours a night to sleeping at least 7.5 hours each night will usually lose weight even without trying or changing their eating and exercise habits. It has something to do with a chemical that your body releases during deep sleep. I might have to try some early bird shut-eye to see if it helps! It certainly can't hurt and I do love to sleep. Win-win? I think so.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Go Big Girl, what you gon' do!?

Back in November I mentioned that I was starting Operation G.I. Jane to get my slack ass in shape. I'm sad to report that the operation was quickly aborted. As I've said before, I'm an emotional eater and I eat my feelings. Well there have been a LOT of feelings to devour in the past 3 months and I'm stuffed. Somewhere along the line, the mission became more like Operation Shamu! I've done a great job of quickly transforming myself into a 4 ton beast. Really? Have another cookie big girl! It's ridiculous. I weigh the most that I have in about 10 years. I know this because I finally had the courage to weigh in last week and see exactly what the damage was it was so bad that I almost fell off the scale. It wasn't a complete surprise though. Since the heavy blows from Survivorman in December, I just didn't care. Then came the holidays, then work got crazy, then I survived Valentine's Day by using chocolate as my life support... it's just been a vicious cycle.

Well that is all about to change. Operation G. I. Jane is back on in full effect! I've lost about 5 pounds in the past week and I have about 10 to go just to get back to pre-Shamu weight! Then I'd like to lose another 20-25 on top of that and I will be happy again. It's do-able. My goal is 20 pounds in a month good thing March has 31 days! . Unrealistic? Sure. Unhealthy? Probably. Is that still my goal? Yep! And I'm putting it in writing here for both of my TWO readers to see , so the pressure is on. I think I can do it though. I'm about to get real up close and personal with my treadmill this month. I'll report the outcome on March 31st!

Go big girl what you gon' do, Go, Go big girl what you gon' do....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Happy Ash Wednesday! Today marks the start of Lent. I'm not Catholic so I'm not exactly "required" to give up anything, but I try to each year anyway. I am having a hard time deciding this year though. I'm torn between meat, french fries, and diet coke. I'm making a point not to ingest any of them today until I decide though. I think french fries for sure, but I want to double up with one of the others as well. I'm afraid going 40 days without Diet Coke may kill me though. Maybe I will try all three if I am feeling brave. A friend suggested that I give up the snooze button on my alarm like he did last year, but I think I should try something that I may actually stand a chance as sticking with!

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Man Roster

Since I entered the dating game again, I've made a conscious decision to not put all of my eggs in one basket. That way, if one basket crashes and burns, I'm not completely eggless. Now I'm not carrying on more than one "relationship" simultaneously no worries - I'm no skank, I'm just keeping things casual with a few different people. I thought I'd give a quick run-down of the players.

Mr. Midwest - He's from Ohio, bless his heart. I'm not usually interested in the fellas from above the Mason-Dixon, but he's a sweetheart in an endearingly dorky way. He found himself in Georgia because of his job with a local athletic conference. He's not exactly what I would call my type physically, but he's close. My favorite thing about him is that he likes to watch all the trashy-esque tv shows that I do, so I can scoop it out with him about the latest Grey's drama. Downside... he's a cat person. What self-respecting man is a cat person? I think he may be leaning more toward friendland, but I'm keeping an open mind.

The Spaniard - We go way back. We first went out after my relationship with Scuba Steve ended back in 2006. We were both rebounding from our ex's and neither of us were really looking for a new relationship at the time. We've kept in touch the whole time though and he thinks it's a sign. He has wedding and baby fever worse than any woman I know, so I'm confident that if I was ready and willing to go that route, he'd jump to it pretty quick. My apprehensions about him include his bad luck with jobs. Both times that we have started "talking" in a romantic way he has gotten laid off. Maybe I am the bad luck for him! I also don't like his last name. I fully realize that that is snobby and petty of me, but it's just the way it is and I'm being honest. He's of Spanish decent and that's completely sexy, but his last name reminds me of a migrant worker and I would just never want to have that last name if things progressed with us. He's really cute though and definitely my type physically. He makes me smile and always says the sweetest things that brighten my day. I'm on the fence with how I feel about him... sooo on the fence that it's annoying!

Bama Boy - He's a little sweetheart from Alabama. He's the furthest geographically and that does present a problem. He was recently laid off as well, but he's an engineer by trade. He's definitely got the big teddy bear thing going on that I like so much, but he has light hair and that just throws me off a little. I don't think there is enough spark there to warrant the distance issue, but I'm not writing him off just yet.

The Virgin - It is just me or is it a little scary to think about dating a 28 year old virgin? He's adorable in every way and is the true definition of the All-American boy next door. He is the sweetest ever, and not in the annoying way that Beaver Cleaver was. His status is by choice and while part of me thinks that it's the sweetest thing ever, part of me thinks that it would never go anywhere because I would never want to be the one to end that streak for him, ya know? It's quite an awkward situation. The rational side of me tells me to avoid it altogether, but then something just keeps me interested. However, I think I should steer clear of potentially dramatic situations. We'll see.

Mr. Pilot - He's a southern fraternity boy turned commercial pilot. He's gorgeous in a very manly way and sooooo my type! Love his body, love his voice, love his personality, love his job, love it all. It's hard to think of something that I dislike about him, other than the fact that he was married before and enjoys living in the city... both things that I can overlook. He makes me a little nervous, but in a good butterflies kind of way. Mr. Pilot is definitely the front runner right now. I'm secretly rooting for him in the back of my mind, but I'm not going to jinx it.

College Crush - Well, a girl can dream!

Friday, February 20, 2009

You know you hate your job when....

You know you hate your job when you feel a mixture of happiness/jealousy/anger when your co-workers turn in their notice. I've known since day one that I hated this place, but I've had to stick it out a while for the graduate school benefits. It's always been in the corner of my mind that I wouldn't be here long and I assumed that I would be the first to leave out of all of the current employees. My office is actually split up into two offices physically, across the hall from each other. There is the good side and the bad side. I'm lucky enough to be on the good side and I love all the ladies in my office (to some degree.... some more than others, but we kind of stick together like the 4 musketeers no matter what in order to endure the evil co-workers from the other side).

Well today, my favorite co-worker turned in her two week notice. She's only been here 6 months, but she is one of the sweetest people I've ever met and I just adore her. I almost teared up when she told me. Then I got a little irritated and jealous that she was getting out of this hell hole. Eventually, my happiness for her overrode the jealousy and we spent most of the morning hearing about the job she accepted. That didn't last long though.

After lunch, another co-worker confided in us that she had applied for a position with a business that we work with closely in our field. She got the call last night and has an interview Wednesday. I think she's a shoe in because she already has the personal relationships built with many of the people she will be interviewing with. She recommended that I get my own resume in order ASAP and not be concerned with leaving during the busy season. I can handle one person leaving, but not two at once. I'm currently pouting in my office, because they can't wait until June when I can leave (after receiving my tuition benefits for the summer). In situations like this there should be a "no co-worker left behind" rule. Meanwhile, the third co-worker just graduated with her teaching degree in December and is trying to find a teaching position as soon as possible. I hate them all right now. They can't leave me here with all the sucky people! What am I going to do!?

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Anti-Valentine

Unless you've been hiding under a rock or resting peacefully in a coma, you know that tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day. Hate. I realize that people may expect to hear that from me since I am single again and still a teensy bit bitter about my last love, but that's not the whole story. I have always hated Valentine's Day, even when I am knee-deep in lovey-dovey coupledom. It's a day for cheesy, expensive, insincere exhibits of love. It's a commercial holiday that only results in stress by causing pressure to purchase your mate the perfect gift that is on the same price and seriousness scale as what you think they might get you, pressure for both of you to simultaneously be in the most romantic mood that you will ever attain that year, pressure to magically make up for every argument, annoyance, or short-coming that is still recent enough to live on in memory, pressure to measure up to all of your friends and co-workers in the gift-giving and (especially) gift-receiving competition which is unspoken but we all know it exists! , and pressure to basically have the most romantic night ever. It is very rare for all of that to come together perfectly. It's just too much. I've never been a fan and I doubt I ever will. So tomorrow, while everyone is out participating in the love equivalent of a pissing contest... I will be hermited up in my apartment with as many non-romantic comedy dvds as possible. Then on Sunday I am going to buy myself flowers and chocolate for about 85% off!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The blog bug

Where did the blog bug go? I had it. Then I lost it. I think my intense hatred of my job is sucking all of the life out of me. I'm pretty much existing in a comatose state in the few hours between working days. I'm coming back though! I have stuff to talk about, I just haven't had the energy to blog about it... how lazy is that!? As if blogging requires much energy. I'm telling you, it's the job. Every time I walk into this office, I can literally feel my ulcer developing. Ugh! More to come soon.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm officially 30. WTF!? I don't feel 30! How can this be? I had pretty much been dreading this birthday for the past 2 years. The realization that I would no longer be a twenty-something was just too much to handle. I decided several months ago that I was going to ignore the day altogether, because if I pretend like it never happened then it didn't, right? I wish! So I had been following through with my plan to remain in complete denial. I had warned co-workers that I did not want any kind of celebration and that any thing more than a friendly "happy birthday" would be met with scowls and harsh words. I had denied my family the opportunity to plan a dinner. I covered all the bases. Then this week, I just changed my mind. I wasn't freaked about it anymore for some reason. Like magic. It's never been so much about the aging issue as much as it is about what I thought I would have accomplished by the age 30. I thought I would be done with school, working in a career that I was passionate about, married, maybe with kids. None of that has happened yet, but the more I think about it... I'm ok with it. I decided I am going to be "thirty, flirty, and FABULOUS!" and I can still be that even though my life is a work in progress. I called my mom and told her to throw together a shin-dig for Friday night to celebrate the life and times of B. When the birthday rolled around yesterday, my co-workers ended up having a cake and presents for me and I wasn't even bothered by it. I did draw the line at singing though. Instead of being annoyed, embarrassed, and ancient when friends sent me birthday wished on Facebook, I welcomed them warmly and felt thankful to have such thoughtful friends in my life. So my feelings toward 30 have changed. Granted, I still don't feel like I'm 30, but as a friend told me today, I am going to "reinvent 30!" I don't feel any different today. I actually feel better since I've calmed down about the whole thing. It's all about how old you feel. So far, 30 ain't bad!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Return of the Drunk Dial

My phone rang around midnight last night. I should have let the call go straight to voicemail. Should have, but didn't. I normally screen my calls and don't answer anything from a number that is not identified by name on caller ID. But even though this number was obviously not in my caller ID, I recognized it. I knew that I knew whoever it was because the number was familiar, but I just wasn't sure who. So I answered.

I didn't hear "hello", "may I speak to B?", or even "hey, it's ----". No, instead I hear, "what are you doooooin?" in a distinct pillow-talk sing-songy voice that I recognize immediately. It was the ex. Well not THE ex, but the ex-ex, Scuba Steve. That's right, it was he whom I haven't actually spoken to in well over a year. We just recently became friendly enough to exchange a few sparse words via facebook, but that's it. Needless to say, it was strange to hear him on the other end of the line. Strange, but not completely surprising. I had been somewhat expecting this call since seeing that he and his girlfriend broke up recently.

Side note: A big thanks to Facebook for unsolicited stalker-esque info. They make it so easy these days. The young girls of this era probably have no respect for the midnight drive-by or Houdini-like email hacking skills. Not that I was ever an expert in either of those {cough, cough}.

It was so obviously a booty call, not so cleverly disguised as a hey-how've-you-been-I've-missed-you call. Um, Scuba Steve, I was not born yesterday! We talked a little over an hour, caught up a little on each other's lives, talked about some of the 'good ole days', he made inappropriate innuendos, I shot him down, we got into a huge and repetitive argument about our break-up over 2 years ago, and ended with me hanging up on him. I'm interested to see how he acts now after that very complex turn of events.

I must admit, that I got a little twinge of pleasure when I saw that his relationship had ended. Not because I want to be with him again! I care about him dearly and I wish him well, but I am completely over him and I don't think I want to backtrack with him. The pleasure was more derived from the fact that what goes around comes around. Also, it's nice that he has finally ended my run as a the female version of Good Luck Chuck. It seems inevitable that every ex boyfriend ends up marrying or having children with the girl they date right after me. It's nice to have the cycle broken. I also got a few warm fuzzies from bursting his booty call bubble. Yeah right, buddy! You had your chance. What did I learn from this? That I do NOT miss drunk dials. Not one bit.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Temptation - It's Not Just An Island

I just had a very long conversation with College Crush via IM. What that man does to me.... it's utterly indecent and deliciously inappropriate. I know that part of it is because I have put him on a pedestal of sorts and he seems so unattainable, but there is just something about his confident flirtation mixed with his boy-next-door modesty that adds to the appeal. In an ideal word, he would ask me out on sweet date and we would laugh, and hold hands, and kiss awkwardly like a hallmark commercial, and wait a respectable number of dates before even taking it to a PG-13 level. In reality, I find myself reevaluating my stance on the skankilicious ritual known as the adult-world booty call. Oh heaven help me. My love life has had a rough year and now I'm in a self-induced good-girl dry spell, does that mean that I justifiably deserve a night or ten of carefree, lustful indulgence? Or is that just my subconscious trying to rationalize whore behavior? I have really strong morals, I swear I do! But the boy is so effing tempting! And he's just right across the street, it would be so...convenient.

To 3 Day or Not to 3 Day?

I've been hearing advertisements for the breast cancer "3 day" walk for the cure. I'm finding myself drawn to it. I think it would be an interesting experience, a good way to get involved with something, and it would obviously benefit a very good cause that hits close to home for many of my relatives, co-workers, and friends. I'm hesitant though because the fundraising requirement of $2,300 scares me. I just don't know if I can raise that much. I also don't love the idea that I'd have to spend a weekend sleeping in a two person tent with someone that I don't know. That may sound petty to some, but those that know me understand that I am weird about personal space and privacy. I think I could get over that though, but the $2,300... that's a lot to raise. I'm not going to rule it out though. I'm going to think about it a little bit longer. Maybe I can find something else that benefits a good cause (while tying in my personal health goals) that has a more realisitic fundraising goal for me. I need to look into this.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Potty Mouth

I have caught myself running off at the mouth lately like a sailor on a weekend pass in Tijuana. I wonder when this started happening. How long have I been using the same eclectic vocabulary as the toothless chunk of skank that operates the Tilt-a-Whirl? There is just no telling.

I think it may have started back in the summer when I was around him and his dirty military mouth all the time. Then during all of the drama that followed, I probably vented with ugly words more than I should have. You would think it would have died out after that, but I suppose I have kept the filth alive with my frustration with work and annoyance with people. It reminds me of a girl from my early years of college who used to insert countless random curse words in completely unexpected places in normal conversation.

What the eff!? I've got to get this under control! It's ugly, negative, uncivilized, rude and most definitely unlady-like. I think now is the time to ask, WWAD? Read: What Would Audrey (Hepburn) Do? Maybe I should start a cuss-jar? Nah, that won't work, I'm way too broke for that nonsense this month. Maybe I should acquaint myself with a bar of ivory for some verbal cleansing? I wonder if soap has a calorie count. Maybe I just need to really cuss someone out and let them have it to purge my system? Hmm, that sounds like the most appealing option so far. Ughh! For effs sake! I don't know how I'm going to break this cycle.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Always a Bridesmaid - Part II

I went shopping with my sister today for her wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses. As stressful and tiring as dress shopping can be, it's so much fun to see all those pretty princess ensembles. I served as my sister's personal chamber maid, which means that I chipped a few nails fiddling with all the hook and eye closures, have blisters on my finger tips from lacing up corset styles, and built up enough static electric charge from crinolines to jump start a heart patient! Big sis narrowed down her choices to the top three (so far!).

#1- This is my sister's favorite so far. She liked the way she felt in it. She had tried on a few others before this one and once she put it on it was like she just lit up from inside. She wanted to wear it home immediately. You can't really see the detail, but it's a light ivory with a champagne sash and champagne-ish bead work. Another plus is that it has a corset back, so there is some room for weight loss without having to get more last minute alterations. Really pretty.

#2- My sister has this one ranked as her second choice, but it's my personal favorite on her. I think that the strapless look really flatters her the halters just accentuate her already MASSIVE bosom. Again, you can't really see the detail from the picture, but the beading on this bodice is a little darker on the champagne color scale. She was adamant that she hated anything with gathering on the skirt, but once she tried it on she liked it. I'm still secretly pulling for this one!

#3- This was the all around crowd favorite I think. We knew it was gorgeous the moment we saw it and it was even more gorgeous on. Unfortunately, it's a wee bit out of the price range she is looking for. Sadly, this little beauty may be ruled out unless we can find a "previously owned" option or Daddy decides to dig really deep for his first born. Absolutely stunning.

We also decided on the color scheme for the wedding party today. I've been given free reign to choose any style I wish as long as I can get it the color latte. My nieces already picked out their styles today and they were really excited that they didn't have to pick the same thing. They are so different in every way, so it only makes sense that they wouldn't like the same dress. They are going to look so cute in their little junior bridesmaid dresses! I want something really simple for myself and I think I have narrowed it down to the choices below, in order of favorite from left to right. The only thing that I don't love about the third is that I'd want to have it altered to tea-length and I start to get worried when too much altering is required because you never know exactly how well it will turn out. Then again, I may have to have the length altered no matter which I choose because we may be adding black peek-a-boo skirts under them. I'm going to mull them over a while then go try the styles on right before it's time to order.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Always a Bridesmaid

My sister got engaged over the holidays! I'm really happy for her. Her fiance is truly a great guy and they are perfect for each other. I'm also excited for her because this will be her first real wedding. She's divorced with two daughters, but she secretly "eloped" to the courthouse the first go 'round. This is her first time planning an actual wedding, and shopping for dresses, and picking out churches, etc. It's really cute to watch my big sister be so excited about something like this and ask me for my advice since I've been in so many dang weddings! So now I have something new to waste my time on at work when I'm bored or on strike from productivity. Here and there throughout the day I've been googling the church, looking at flower options, and emailing my sister back and forth. Needless to say, I have not gotten much accomplished work-wise. And most importantly, I'm her maid of honor and the only person standing on her side over the age of 11, so I've been looking for a dress for myself. Hopefully, this will be the last bridesmaid dress I purchase!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mr. Sandman, can we work on this schedule?

As I've already said, I don't do resolutions. However, one of my loose goals completely unrelated to the changing of the calendar year is to go to bed earlier. I've always been a night person, even back in waaaaaay back in elementary school. I get a second wind about 10 pm and get the urge to make use of it, whether that be de-furring the dog, cleaning the base boards, googling the lives of unknown mobsters from the 40's - who knows what else! It's never really been a problem before, just a part of who I am. Until now.

I'm at the point in my life where all of those "you just wait..." warnings from my parents and elders are starting to make sense to me. Age and my slack ass health! are catching up with me and I can no longer stay up until 2:30 am and still function properly the next morning. I've been in denial for a while, but the time has come to look my disease in the face. My name is B and I'm an aging night owl. [[[Hiii Beee!!]]]

The plan was to be in bed at least by 11 each night, starting Monday. Well, apparently my plan has sort of back-fired. Since I got it into my head that I am going to be sleepy enough to get to bed at a decent hour, I've been falling asleep BEFORE 9pm! Last night I was lounging on the couch watching a little TV. The next thing I know it's after 11pm, the news is on, I've completely missed the entire night basically. I got up to get ready for bed and turn out the lights and such and went back to sleep shortly after. I woke up feeling fabulous and rested, but it didn't last. You know how there is the fine line between not quite enough sleep and too much sleep? Well I crossed it. I realized this around noon today when I ended up needing a power nap on my desk during my lunch break. No joke. The same thing has happened again tonight. I am only awake long enough to blog about my problem and take my dog out before going back to sleep... which will pretty much mean that I went to bed at 7:30 tonight. I've gone from one extreme to another! And this extreme doesn't even leave my base boards clean and I'm still sleepy the next day.

Are you kidding me? What have I done?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Laminated List

Remember on Friends when they made their list of celebrities with whom they could have sex with without consequences, regardless of whether or not they were in a relationship? Then Ross decided to laminate his and the "laminated list" was born. Well I'm going to share my laminated list. Except, I'm not so much like Ross in wanting to keep it permanent forever. I like to consider it more of a "periodically updated list"; however, many of them have resided on the list for quite some time now so it doesn't change much.

#1) Vin Diesel - I love everything about him. He could just speak to me with that uniquely sexy voice and it would send shivers up my spine. I love his sensitive bad boy image. He gets two pictures, because... DAMN! He makes me melt!
Sexiest Character: Shane Wolfe in The Pacifer

#2) Jeffrey Dean Morgan - He has a more mature, rugged look that is dead sexy. I'd steal a heart for him too!
Sexiest Character: Denny Duquette on Grey’s Anatomy

#3) Vince Vaughn - Yeah, some may say that he has taken the retro-sexual look a little too far, but he can pull it off! He has a receding hair line, the bags under his eyes are big enough to stow-away illegal immigrants, and he has hair in places that most men try to deny... and he's still ridiculously handsome. Most people would say that his peak was as Trent in the iconic Swingers, but he was too skinny then in my opinion. I think he has really grown into himself nicely.
Sexiest Character: Jeremy in Wedding Crashers

#4) Dean Cain - I know I might get some some "wtf?" comments about this one, but I have always had a thing for him. I admit that he lost some of his appeal after he portrayed Scott Peterson and when he started doing cheesy D-list hosting gigs and such, but he's still hot! I think he was my first celebrity crush that started to mold my idea of "my type".
Sexiest Character: Nick a smokin' hot fireman in I Do (But I Don't)

#5) Josh Hartnett - He's my baby face crush. He's older than me, but I would feel like I was robbing the cradle. I think it's because he looks so much like my long-term crush from elementary school. I think he's also so secure on the list because he reminds me a of a young Tommy Lee Jones and Tommy Lee Jones is still sexy to me at 60-something. I think Josh will have that effect even when he is much older too. Yum.
Sexiest Character: Danny in Pearl Harbor

#6) Mario Lopez - I know he rocked out the jerry-curl mullet and tapered jeans as A.C. Slater, but he's come a long way! I think it's obvious by all of my choices so far that I have a thing for dark haired hotties, and come on... those dimples alone would earn him a spot!
Sexiest Character: Ya know, he doesn't have so many great characters to choose from. I just see him on a lot of hosting gigs or guest appearances. However, he was rockin' it out with that smile as David Martin in Holiday in Handcuffs this Christmas season.

#7) David Pollack- Ok, so he's not exactly a celebrity, but he was a professional athlete with the Bengals (although briefly). Since his injury, he has now moved to radio commentary. Either way, he's famous enough in my book to go on my damn list and that's all there is to it! He's my favorite bulldawg ever. I loved the seasons when he was there because he made the games even more exciting to watch in his tight little breeches!
Sexiest Character: UGA #47!!!

#8) Luke Wilson - I'm not really sure what it is about him, but he always comes to mind when I think of hot celebrities I'd like to make out with. He just kind of has that classic all-American thing going and his laid back personality is really attractive. This is one is hard to explain, I just know he's on the list for whatever mysterious reason.
Sexiest Character: Dorian Montier in Home Fries or Ben Stone in The Family Stone

(Two Way Tie)
#9) Ryan Reynolds OR Dane Cook - These two fellas are sharing the #9 spot. This means that they are pretty much interchangeable and I would use the spot for whichever opportunity came along first. The other would then be crossed off and non-eligible even if future opportunities arose. These guys are probably the most surprising on my list because they aren't really my type physically not that I would kick either one of them out of bed! They both just make me laugh so hard! A funny guy will get me every time, hands down.
Sexiest Characters: Ryan as Will Hayes in Definitely, Maybe (the single dad thing...awww!)
Dane as himself on any of his comedy specials!

#10) Elvis Presley - Because a girl can dream! And in a uniform.... mmmm.
Sexiest Character: Toby in Follow That Dream