Friday, January 30, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm officially 30. WTF!? I don't feel 30! How can this be? I had pretty much been dreading this birthday for the past 2 years. The realization that I would no longer be a twenty-something was just too much to handle. I decided several months ago that I was going to ignore the day altogether, because if I pretend like it never happened then it didn't, right? I wish! So I had been following through with my plan to remain in complete denial. I had warned co-workers that I did not want any kind of celebration and that any thing more than a friendly "happy birthday" would be met with scowls and harsh words. I had denied my family the opportunity to plan a dinner. I covered all the bases. Then this week, I just changed my mind. I wasn't freaked about it anymore for some reason. Like magic. It's never been so much about the aging issue as much as it is about what I thought I would have accomplished by the age 30. I thought I would be done with school, working in a career that I was passionate about, married, maybe with kids. None of that has happened yet, but the more I think about it... I'm ok with it. I decided I am going to be "thirty, flirty, and FABULOUS!" and I can still be that even though my life is a work in progress. I called my mom and told her to throw together a shin-dig for Friday night to celebrate the life and times of B. When the birthday rolled around yesterday, my co-workers ended up having a cake and presents for me and I wasn't even bothered by it. I did draw the line at singing though. Instead of being annoyed, embarrassed, and ancient when friends sent me birthday wished on Facebook, I welcomed them warmly and felt thankful to have such thoughtful friends in my life. So my feelings toward 30 have changed. Granted, I still don't feel like I'm 30, but as a friend told me today, I am going to "reinvent 30!" I don't feel any different today. I actually feel better since I've calmed down about the whole thing. It's all about how old you feel. So far, 30 ain't bad!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Return of the Drunk Dial

My phone rang around midnight last night. I should have let the call go straight to voicemail. Should have, but didn't. I normally screen my calls and don't answer anything from a number that is not identified by name on caller ID. But even though this number was obviously not in my caller ID, I recognized it. I knew that I knew whoever it was because the number was familiar, but I just wasn't sure who. So I answered.

I didn't hear "hello", "may I speak to B?", or even "hey, it's ----". No, instead I hear, "what are you doooooin?" in a distinct pillow-talk sing-songy voice that I recognize immediately. It was the ex. Well not THE ex, but the ex-ex, Scuba Steve. That's right, it was he whom I haven't actually spoken to in well over a year. We just recently became friendly enough to exchange a few sparse words via facebook, but that's it. Needless to say, it was strange to hear him on the other end of the line. Strange, but not completely surprising. I had been somewhat expecting this call since seeing that he and his girlfriend broke up recently.

Side note: A big thanks to Facebook for unsolicited stalker-esque info. They make it so easy these days. The young girls of this era probably have no respect for the midnight drive-by or Houdini-like email hacking skills. Not that I was ever an expert in either of those {cough, cough}.

It was so obviously a booty call, not so cleverly disguised as a hey-how've-you-been-I've-missed-you call. Um, Scuba Steve, I was not born yesterday! We talked a little over an hour, caught up a little on each other's lives, talked about some of the 'good ole days', he made inappropriate innuendos, I shot him down, we got into a huge and repetitive argument about our break-up over 2 years ago, and ended with me hanging up on him. I'm interested to see how he acts now after that very complex turn of events.

I must admit, that I got a little twinge of pleasure when I saw that his relationship had ended. Not because I want to be with him again! I care about him dearly and I wish him well, but I am completely over him and I don't think I want to backtrack with him. The pleasure was more derived from the fact that what goes around comes around. Also, it's nice that he has finally ended my run as a the female version of Good Luck Chuck. It seems inevitable that every ex boyfriend ends up marrying or having children with the girl they date right after me. It's nice to have the cycle broken. I also got a few warm fuzzies from bursting his booty call bubble. Yeah right, buddy! You had your chance. What did I learn from this? That I do NOT miss drunk dials. Not one bit.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Temptation - It's Not Just An Island

I just had a very long conversation with College Crush via IM. What that man does to me.... it's utterly indecent and deliciously inappropriate. I know that part of it is because I have put him on a pedestal of sorts and he seems so unattainable, but there is just something about his confident flirtation mixed with his boy-next-door modesty that adds to the appeal. In an ideal word, he would ask me out on sweet date and we would laugh, and hold hands, and kiss awkwardly like a hallmark commercial, and wait a respectable number of dates before even taking it to a PG-13 level. In reality, I find myself reevaluating my stance on the skankilicious ritual known as the adult-world booty call. Oh heaven help me. My love life has had a rough year and now I'm in a self-induced good-girl dry spell, does that mean that I justifiably deserve a night or ten of carefree, lustful indulgence? Or is that just my subconscious trying to rationalize whore behavior? I have really strong morals, I swear I do! But the boy is so effing tempting! And he's just right across the street, it would be so...convenient.


To 3 Day or Not to 3 Day?

I've been hearing advertisements for the breast cancer "3 day" walk for the cure. I'm finding myself drawn to it. I think it would be an interesting experience, a good way to get involved with something, and it would obviously benefit a very good cause that hits close to home for many of my relatives, co-workers, and friends. I'm hesitant though because the fundraising requirement of $2,300 scares me. I just don't know if I can raise that much. I also don't love the idea that I'd have to spend a weekend sleeping in a two person tent with someone that I don't know. That may sound petty to some, but those that know me understand that I am weird about personal space and privacy. I think I could get over that though, but the $2,300... that's a lot to raise. I'm not going to rule it out though. I'm going to think about it a little bit longer. Maybe I can find something else that benefits a good cause (while tying in my personal health goals) that has a more realisitic fundraising goal for me. I need to look into this.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Potty Mouth

I have caught myself running off at the mouth lately like a sailor on a weekend pass in Tijuana. I wonder when this started happening. How long have I been using the same eclectic vocabulary as the toothless chunk of skank that operates the Tilt-a-Whirl? There is just no telling.

I think it may have started back in the summer when I was around him and his dirty military mouth all the time. Then during all of the drama that followed, I probably vented with ugly words more than I should have. You would think it would have died out after that, but I suppose I have kept the filth alive with my frustration with work and annoyance with people. It reminds me of a girl from my early years of college who used to insert countless random curse words in completely unexpected places in normal conversation.

What the eff!? I've got to get this under control! It's ugly, negative, uncivilized, rude and most definitely unlady-like. I think now is the time to ask, WWAD? Read: What Would Audrey (Hepburn) Do? Maybe I should start a cuss-jar? Nah, that won't work, I'm way too broke for that nonsense this month. Maybe I should acquaint myself with a bar of ivory for some verbal cleansing? I wonder if soap has a calorie count. Maybe I just need to really cuss someone out and let them have it to purge my system? Hmm, that sounds like the most appealing option so far. Ughh! For effs sake! I don't know how I'm going to break this cycle.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Always a Bridesmaid - Part II

I went shopping with my sister today for her wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses. As stressful and tiring as dress shopping can be, it's so much fun to see all those pretty princess ensembles. I served as my sister's personal chamber maid, which means that I chipped a few nails fiddling with all the hook and eye closures, have blisters on my finger tips from lacing up corset styles, and built up enough static electric charge from crinolines to jump start a heart patient! Big sis narrowed down her choices to the top three (so far!).


#1- This is my sister's favorite so far. She liked the way she felt in it. She had tried on a few others before this one and once she put it on it was like she just lit up from inside. She wanted to wear it home immediately. You can't really see the detail, but it's a light ivory with a champagne sash and champagne-ish bead work. Another plus is that it has a corset back, so there is some room for weight loss without having to get more last minute alterations. Really pretty.





#2- My sister has this one ranked as her second choice, but it's my personal favorite on her. I think that the strapless look really flatters her the halters just accentuate her already MASSIVE bosom. Again, you can't really see the detail from the picture, but the beading on this bodice is a little darker on the champagne color scale. She was adamant that she hated anything with gathering on the skirt, but once she tried it on she liked it. I'm still secretly pulling for this one!






#3- This was the all around crowd favorite I think. We knew it was gorgeous the moment we saw it and it was even more gorgeous on. Unfortunately, it's a wee bit out of the price range she is looking for. Sadly, this little beauty may be ruled out unless we can find a "previously owned" option or Daddy decides to dig really deep for his first born. Absolutely stunning.





We also decided on the color scheme for the wedding party today. I've been given free reign to choose any style I wish as long as I can get it the color latte. My nieces already picked out their styles today and they were really excited that they didn't have to pick the same thing. They are so different in every way, so it only makes sense that they wouldn't like the same dress. They are going to look so cute in their little junior bridesmaid dresses! I want something really simple for myself and I think I have narrowed it down to the choices below, in order of favorite from left to right. The only thing that I don't love about the third is that I'd want to have it altered to tea-length and I start to get worried when too much altering is required because you never know exactly how well it will turn out. Then again, I may have to have the length altered no matter which I choose because we may be adding black peek-a-boo skirts under them. I'm going to mull them over a while then go try the styles on right before it's time to order.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Always a Bridesmaid

My sister got engaged over the holidays! I'm really happy for her. Her fiance is truly a great guy and they are perfect for each other. I'm also excited for her because this will be her first real wedding. She's divorced with two daughters, but she secretly "eloped" to the courthouse the first go 'round. This is her first time planning an actual wedding, and shopping for dresses, and picking out churches, etc. It's really cute to watch my big sister be so excited about something like this and ask me for my advice since I've been in so many dang weddings! So now I have something new to waste my time on at work when I'm bored or on strike from productivity. Here and there throughout the day I've been googling the church, looking at flower options, and emailing my sister back and forth. Needless to say, I have not gotten much accomplished work-wise. And most importantly, I'm her maid of honor and the only person standing on her side over the age of 11, so I've been looking for a dress for myself. Hopefully, this will be the last bridesmaid dress I purchase!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mr. Sandman, can we work on this schedule?

As I've already said, I don't do resolutions. However, one of my loose goals completely unrelated to the changing of the calendar year is to go to bed earlier. I've always been a night person, even back in waaaaaay back in elementary school. I get a second wind about 10 pm and get the urge to make use of it, whether that be de-furring the dog, cleaning the base boards, googling the lives of unknown mobsters from the 40's - who knows what else! It's never really been a problem before, just a part of who I am. Until now.

I'm at the point in my life where all of those "you just wait..." warnings from my parents and elders are starting to make sense to me. Age and my slack ass health! are catching up with me and I can no longer stay up until 2:30 am and still function properly the next morning. I've been in denial for a while, but the time has come to look my disease in the face. My name is B and I'm an aging night owl. [[[Hiii Beee!!]]]

The plan was to be in bed at least by 11 each night, starting Monday. Well, apparently my plan has sort of back-fired. Since I got it into my head that I am going to be sleepy enough to get to bed at a decent hour, I've been falling asleep BEFORE 9pm! Last night I was lounging on the couch watching a little TV. The next thing I know it's after 11pm, the news is on, I've completely missed the entire night basically. I got up to get ready for bed and turn out the lights and such and went back to sleep shortly after. I woke up feeling fabulous and rested, but it didn't last. You know how there is the fine line between not quite enough sleep and too much sleep? Well I crossed it. I realized this around noon today when I ended up needing a power nap on my desk during my lunch break. No joke. The same thing has happened again tonight. I am only awake long enough to blog about my problem and take my dog out before going back to sleep... which will pretty much mean that I went to bed at 7:30 tonight. I've gone from one extreme to another! And this extreme doesn't even leave my base boards clean and I'm still sleepy the next day.

Are you kidding me? What have I done?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Laminated List

Remember on Friends when they made their list of celebrities with whom they could have sex with without consequences, regardless of whether or not they were in a relationship? Then Ross decided to laminate his and the "laminated list" was born. Well I'm going to share my laminated list. Except, I'm not so much like Ross in wanting to keep it permanent forever. I like to consider it more of a "periodically updated list"; however, many of them have resided on the list for quite some time now so it doesn't change much.




#1) Vin Diesel - I love everything about him. He could just speak to me with that uniquely sexy voice and it would send shivers up my spine. I love his sensitive bad boy image. He gets two pictures, because... DAMN! He makes me melt!
Sexiest Character: Shane Wolfe in The Pacifer



#2) Jeffrey Dean Morgan - He has a more mature, rugged look that is dead sexy. I'd steal a heart for him too!
Sexiest Character: Denny Duquette on Grey’s Anatomy



#3) Vince Vaughn - Yeah, some may say that he has taken the retro-sexual look a little too far, but he can pull it off! He has a receding hair line, the bags under his eyes are big enough to stow-away illegal immigrants, and he has hair in places that most men try to deny... and he's still ridiculously handsome. Most people would say that his peak was as Trent in the iconic Swingers, but he was too skinny then in my opinion. I think he has really grown into himself nicely.
Sexiest Character: Jeremy in Wedding Crashers




#4) Dean Cain - I know I might get some some "wtf?" comments about this one, but I have always had a thing for him. I admit that he lost some of his appeal after he portrayed Scott Peterson and when he started doing cheesy D-list hosting gigs and such, but he's still hot! I think he was my first celebrity crush that started to mold my idea of "my type".
Sexiest Character: Nick a smokin' hot fireman in I Do (But I Don't)



#5) Josh Hartnett - He's my baby face crush. He's older than me, but I would feel like I was robbing the cradle. I think it's because he looks so much like my long-term crush from elementary school. I think he's also so secure on the list because he reminds me a of a young Tommy Lee Jones and Tommy Lee Jones is still sexy to me at 60-something. I think Josh will have that effect even when he is much older too. Yum.
Sexiest Character: Danny in Pearl Harbor



#6) Mario Lopez - I know he rocked out the jerry-curl mullet and tapered jeans as A.C. Slater, but he's come a long way! I think it's obvious by all of my choices so far that I have a thing for dark haired hotties, and come on... those dimples alone would earn him a spot!
Sexiest Character: Ya know, he doesn't have so many great characters to choose from. I just see him on a lot of hosting gigs or guest appearances. However, he was rockin' it out with that smile as David Martin in Holiday in Handcuffs this Christmas season.



#7) David Pollack- Ok, so he's not exactly a celebrity, but he was a professional athlete with the Bengals (although briefly). Since his injury, he has now moved to radio commentary. Either way, he's famous enough in my book to go on my damn list and that's all there is to it! He's my favorite bulldawg ever. I loved the seasons when he was there because he made the games even more exciting to watch in his tight little breeches!
Sexiest Character: UGA #47!!!



#8) Luke Wilson - I'm not really sure what it is about him, but he always comes to mind when I think of hot celebrities I'd like to make out with. He just kind of has that classic all-American thing going and his laid back personality is really attractive. This is one is hard to explain, I just know he's on the list for whatever mysterious reason.
Sexiest Character: Dorian Montier in Home Fries or Ben Stone in The Family Stone






(Two Way Tie)
#9) Ryan Reynolds OR Dane Cook - These two fellas are sharing the #9 spot. This means that they are pretty much interchangeable and I would use the spot for whichever opportunity came along first. The other would then be crossed off and non-eligible even if future opportunities arose. These guys are probably the most surprising on my list because they aren't really my type physically not that I would kick either one of them out of bed! They both just make me laugh so hard! A funny guy will get me every time, hands down.
Sexiest Characters: Ryan as Will Hayes in Definitely, Maybe (the single dad thing...awww!)
Dane as himself on any of his comedy specials!




#10) Elvis Presley - Because a girl can dream! And in a uniform.... mmmm.
Sexiest Character: Toby in Follow That Dream

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Relapse

I thought I could block it all out and be fine forever, as if it never happened. Tonight, it looks like I can no longer cheat the inevitable. I've had my first major heartbreak relapse of the new year. I had done sooooo well for 3 weeks and now all of a sudden it's like the damn cracked under pressure. This week was kind of like 'the perfect storm' regarding him. Many different things came together all at once and just created this monstrous black cloud above me. I've been working on putting away all things that had to do with us and packing all that stuff up was rough. I posted some of this things, and some things of mine from him, on ebay to sell rather than trash. I've been asked out a lot this week, which should be a welcome change, but instead it had just made me start thinking and evaluating where I am in the "healing" process and how I feel about dating new people. He should be coming home from deployment soon, possibly this week. I've been thinking about that non-step, even though I have tried to stop myself. And tonight, as I sit in class bored to tears, I decided it was time to go through all the texts from him that were still in my phone and delete. I thought it was a good thing, I thought it would help to cleanse and purge. I. Was. Wrong. Reading those texts brought emotions rushing to the surface that I thought were long since ruined by his alter-ego. So tonight, that 'perfect storm' came crashing onto my shore. And let me tell ya, it was of Katrina proportions! Why is it so easy to remember the good and so easy to forget the bad? I know he's dead to me, but it looks like his ghost is going to haunt me for a while to come.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2009 Bucket List

So I don't do resolutions. I think they are a great idea in theory, but I never end up accomplishing them and that just makes me feel bad about myself. So screw that, I'm not setting myself up for feelings of failure at the end of the year. I'm doing a Bucket List instead. Its a list of things that I want to do before 2009 kicks the bucket. They aren't all necessarily new things I've never done, some are just things that I want to be sure to do again sometime this year. I tried one for last year, but I wasn't committed to it and I only ended up getting one or two things done because I waited around until I had a serious significant other to do them with... how stupid of me!. Those remaining items have rolled over to this year along with lots of new ones! A lot of them have been influenced by recent events in my life and focus on making me feel more independent outside of a relationship Think "Girl Power" or "I'm single and awesome" or "I want a good man, but I damn sure don't NEED one!" This year... I'm committed! Thanks Survivorman, you sorry Son of a Bitch, for giving me the push I needed for this. I promise to rock out my Bucket List with vigor and enthusiasm and, in the process, make my 30th year the most amazing, exciting, kick ass year yet. I'm already making great progress and I'll write about some things as I complete them. So without further adieu, here it is:



* Visit a museum (probably The High)
* Ride a mechanical bull
* Visit a state I’ve never been to
* Fly in a plane (preferably first class!)
* Go to a major league baseball game
* Visit the Georgia Aquarium
* Kiss in the rain (it's on a lot of myspace surveys, so I feel like I must be missing out)
* Watch the sunrise while sitting on the beach
* Learn a foreign language
* Go camping
* Finish at least 3 projects that I’ve put on hold (slacker)
* Learn to belly dance
* Play a round of golf
* Take a picture worth framing (and actually frame it and display it in my home!)
* Learn to roller skate
* Swing off the rope at the pond
* Go to the planetarium
* Go to a rodeo (maybe find a cowboy!)
* Learn how to do a cartwheel
* Go to Agatha’s Mystery Theatre
* Ride Passenger Train
* Get a Passport
* Skydive
* Go to the movies alone
* Go out to eat alone ( I hear it's liberating)
* Get something waxed other than my face
* Take a picture with 3 “Welcome To …” State signs
* Try sushi that I’ve never had before
* Run another 5K (and majorly improve my time)
* Snow Ski
* Go to a concert
* Go to a play
* Go drink at a bar alone
* Visit at least 3 churches
* White Water Rafting
* Take an overnight tourist trip completely alone
* Go 3 months without ice cream of any kind
* Go a month without eating meat
* Go 3 months without any chocolate
* Be able to do 50 push ups (not the girly kind!)
* Buy hats and frilly dresses and accessories and wear them just because
* Volunteer
* Donate to Locks of Love