Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Pearl Funk

Have you ever just felt too ugly for your pearls? Have you ever felt like you really shouldn't have put them on because you are not looking classy enough for them? No? Is it just me? Well, that's where I am today. I feel gross and, more importantly, I feel like I look gross. I'm disgracing the pearls...

Monday, April 27, 2009

I'm torn...

It's been about 3 weeks now since I've been seeing Coach Bobby and I'm still not sure what my feelings are about it. He has gotten major bonus points for admitting his own flaws and letting me call him on it (for example, his motormouth-itis!). He says that he knows he's hell to handle and that he's lived with himself for 31 years so I'm never going to tell him something he doesn't already know about himself. I've gotten pretty comfortable telling him when he is going on and on about something I can't stand to hear about for another second and telling him when to hush up. I've just never dated such a big ball of nervous energy. I told him that I know he can be chill, because I've seen him calm and laid back before (our second date, my favorite so far). A few days after I told him that, he asked me when I was talking about so that he could try to be like that around me more. Aww, now that's definitly an A for effort!
He also asked me about Survivorman last week so I told him a brief summarized version of that saga. He was really considerate and just listened and didn't trash talk Survivorman or anything. He said he understood that it must still be a tender subject and he was more than willing to take it really really slow because he thinks I am worth the wait and he's not going anywhere. I swear, some of the cheesy things that he says are straight out of a B-rated romantic comedy, but they're sweet nonetheless. But despite what he says, he is trying to move this "relationship" along at about the speed of light. When I agreed to first meet him for lunch, I thought it might be fun to have another casual dating partner and see how it goes. But now I feel like I would be cheating if I saw anyone else (it would definitly crush him!) and I just don't know I got to this point. It has completely screwed up my on-again-off-again situation with the Spaniard, but that's a different story.

He's also just super sweet and gentlemanly. We met for lunch last week at the same place that we went for our first date. It's right across the street from my office so I called to make sure that he was there before I walked over. When I got there I couldnt find him anywhere, so I called to make sure that I hadn't mistaken our agreed upon location. He asked me if I was already there and when I told him that I was there waiting, he sheepishly admitted that he had lied when I called earlier because he was really sitting on the bench outside of the front entrance to my building waiting on me with a surprise. Well, I went out the back door that day so I kind of ruined it, oops. When he finally walks up to the restaurant he hands me a long stemmed red rose awwww! and while I'm admiring it and smiling ear to ear he pulls out a tall SmartWater bottle to act as a vase while we are sitting at lunch. How thoughtful was that!? And when we order, he remembered exactly what I had ordered there two weeks prior and asked if I'd like him to order that for me. You know what that means.... he pays attention. He really is just the sweetest.

That being said, I'm still just not sure yet. Contrary to my initial hunch, he has not had much of a dating history and that scares me. I'm not really a trailblazer in that aspect and I prefer to tread where other women have already beaten a distinguishable albeit, sometimes overgrown path. I'm not really a fan of taming the wild, undomesticated, or uninhabited, so to speak. Other points of concern/annoyance include the way he speaks (not the voice, but the delivery), the fact that he wants to hold my hand ALL the damn time, the general untidyness of his bachelor pad, the fact that he has already told his family all about me, the fact that he brought up the word "girlfriend" last night, the fact that he acts like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him (it's sweet and flattering to a point, but there is a fine line before it makes me start questioning things), his constant calling when he has been notified that I'm not really a phone person, the way he interrupts me when I am talking, the way he kisses (but that's trainable), a super big secret that he told me last night that is making me struggle not to judge him (even though I admire his honesty and am flattered that he felt comfortable enough to confide in me), and the fact that I can't decide if I'm attracted to him or not. When I'm around him and in the moment I am attracted to him, but when I think about what he looks like later or look at pictures, I'm not so much.

I'm just so not sure. I don't want to pass up a good thing, but I'm just not sure what is holding me back. Is it something justifiable that makes us an undesirable match, is it just missing that crucial "spark" factor, or am I just not over Survivorman enough to open up to someone else yet? It would be so much easier if I knew the answer to that. Dating is sooooo difficult! Have I ever mentioned that I see the benefits to arranged marriage....

Friday, April 24, 2009

Today is like damnit

I am having a very "blah" kind of day. It's the kind of day where nothing is really quite right, but nothing is exactly wrong enough to complain about either. I feel disgusting. I overslept this morning so I had to go with the "natural" air dry look for my hair today. I hate what I'm wearing, it just didn't work out like I planned. I have chipped the polish on my big toenail and I feel like it's just shining for all the world to see, looking all kinds of janknasty. I hate my leather seats when it's hot out because they make me sweat like a ditch digger from Tijuana. I had a banana shake at lunch to try to drown my funk and of course that is now making me feel Jerry Springer fat. The a/c in the office is not up to speed with the heat, so that is making me irritable. To top it all off, Goldie quit today (yeah, like we didn't see that coming...we were practically praying for it). So add that in with the fact that we are already down 3 people today and that equals me running back and forth from my office to the front trying help the front desk associate with everything that still has to be done, including everything that Goldie left completely abandoned on her desk this morning. AND front desk associate is leaving at 3 today and my boss is in a meeting the rest for the day, which means that I will be manning the phones and foot traffic and not getting any of my own work done since I will be the only person in the office for two friggin hours. Ughhh! I just want to go to bed and start over fresh tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Spring fever!

Spring is a time of renewal and every year I follow nature's lead and clean out the old and bring in the new. Fortunately or unfortunately for my wallet, this time of renewal also allows me to do my part to help save the economy. I've been doing a lot of spending lately, but I don't consider it a bad thing because I'm not being wasteful. I'm simply purchasing things to help improve my little piece of the world. Here are a few new additions that are helping me clean out the old and bring in the new.

The Dyson DC25 Animal Ball vacuum. If my soul mate came with an electrical plug, this would be him! I have wanted a Dyson for sooooo long, then they came out with the Animal and it just intensified my desire. When they debuted the Animal Ball, I could barely contain my exuberance! Lucky for me heeheehee! my previous vacuum died recently... but by natural causes and not without every effort for resuscitation, I swear! It just so happened that my friend Claudia purchased this lovely Dyson for herself in the midst of my Hoover's illness. After hearing how much she loved it, I couldn't be swayed. I HAD to have it! I live with a Golden Retriever for God's sake, it's a necessity and I vacuum every day. I justify this extravagant purchase by noting the superior quality, the 5 year warranty, and the fact that I would have to purchase a new vacuum now and another in about 2 years and those would add up to the purchase price of the Dyson anyway. So, whatever... I got it. And I LOVE it! I also got some great hanging organizers for my purses and bags. Now I just need to organize my closet so I can put them up.

I also spruced up my patio a bit to put me in the mood for spring. I have some lovely hanging purple jew plants, pink begonias in my flower boxes on my railing, and some yellow dahlias in my cutesy metal planter. It makes me feel very cheery to look out my door with all of the happy colors. Now I just need to clean my Adirondack chairs so I can actually go out there and enjoy it!

And I've done a little spring shopping. I feel like all of my clothes go missing when they are packed away for the season, I don't know. Plus the fact that half of my clothes from last spring don't fit because I'm a fat ass... but we won't go there right now.

I think this thin yellow tunic from the Gap will look cute with some jean capri's and the bonus is that I can also wear it to work this summer with khakis!

I got this skirt in this lovely shade of coral and also in brown. They are cotton and comfy and with a cute tee, they will be perfect for quick weekend errands or going to the ballpark (if I continue to see Coach Bobby).

I adore these dresses. They are so comfy and I can dress them up or dress them down. Casual dresses are my favorite in the summer because they are so quick to just throw on without leaving you looking like a total mess. I can wear them to work with a little cardigan or summer jacket. I'm pumped.

P. S. Sorry for those who use google reader and got this post before there were any words on it. I had an accidental case of premature posting.

Friday, April 17, 2009


A new receptionist started at work this week. She's a hot mess fo' sho! She wasn't exactly the first choice, but there were some issues with Human Resource policies that I won't go into here. I have taken to referring to her as Goldie (but not to her face!). You see, she has a large gold tooth right up front on her grill. It's classic ghetto at it's finest. Other note worthy points about the train wreck that is Goldie: the large chunks and yes I do mean CHUNKS of visible dandruff nestled snuggly atop her weave, and the kickin' case of halitosis that she so proudly shares with anyone within four feet of her. And I'm not pointing fingers here, but have you ever heard the phrase "dumb as dirt?" I'm just asking.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Death & Taxes

I am one of those people that wait until the very last minute to do things. I'm such a procrastinator! Now in my own defense, I don't usually procrastinate on things that might effect other people. However, I have no qualms about pushing the limit when it will only screw myself over. That's what I almost did this year with my taxes. I always have to pay (because I'm too much of a procrastinator to ever actually amend my W-4) so I'm never in a hurry to file and part with my money. Last week I kept telling myself that I needed to remember to do my taxes over the weekend. That little reminder came and went and my taxes never did make it to the front burner. Then yesterday afternoon one of my favorite students (and one of the hottest.... hey, he's well into legal territory so don't judge!) came in to talk about his account and as I playfully reprimanded him for not submitting something to me already, he told me that he has just completed his taxes last week. I almost came up out of my desk chair with panic! I frantically grabbed my calendar to see what the date was. Phew! Only the 13th! My heart rate was up for nothing I hoped. So last night, I completely lucked out and found all of the paperwork that I needed in my jumbled basket of unopened mail (that's the one are of my life in where my OCD does not tread!). Upon the suggestion of my hottie little student, I used an uber-easy website to file since I had waited too long to use my parents' turbo tax. To my oh-so-pleasant surprise, I only owed a combined total of $22 for both my state and federal! Yay! Now I need to work on either getting married, buying a house, or popping out a kid so I can get some tax breaks soon!

With that, I will leave you with my favorite quote about procrastination. I warn you that it's crass and unladylike to repeat, but it just makes me laugh.
"Procrastination is like masturbation. It might feel good while you're doing it...but in the end you realize that you just f***ed yourself!"

Monday, April 13, 2009

Chatty F'ing Cathy!

I may have spoken too soon! After Fridays date I was digging Coach Bobby hardcore. Then came Saturday. I went to the little league game and it just started out on the wrong foot immediately. As I approached the bleachers, I was spotted by my boss and she called me over and asked me to sit with her. I was dreading that possibility, so of course that would happen. Throughout the game, Coach Bobby teetered between excited-little-league-coach-adorable and spazzed-out-over-excited-annoyance. After the game we went to the nearby pub/restaurant to have some drinks and socialize with his friends. Hi friends were very nice, really they were. However, each and every one of them individually asked me what high school I went to and I could see the shift in their faces when I realized that I was a product of public school <GASP!!>.

There were parts of the day when I saw parts of Coach Bobby that I really, really liked... like when he spent 30 minutes in the game room entertaining his best friends little 2 year old daughter. But then there were other times. Times in which I thought I was going to loose my mind if he didn't shut the hell up! Yes folks, Coach Bobby is one of those men who will talk and talk and talk just for the sake of hearing his own voice. It's quite unfortunate. And of course, you know how it goes when you notice something that you don't like about someone.... it ends up being ALL you notice. What makes it worse is that I don't like the way he talks. It's impossible to explain, but I just hate the way he stresses certain syllables or faces that he makes while talking. I think it may have a good bit to do with the salesman in him. I know it sounds silly, but it's those little things that can make it or break it.

The issue was confirmed when we were on the phone yesterday. After he had gone on and on and on about little league team strategy that I care nothing about, he said, "Well I'm tired of hearing my own voice now, how was your day?" I didn't even get ten whole seconds into my answer before he interrupted me and started talking about himself again! After a few instances of that, I decided that I would just try to talk over him if he tried to pull that again. My chance came up, I tried to over talk him to prove that it was my turn to talk, and he STILL over talked me! Damn Coach, get a clue! To make matters worse... after spending all day with him at the ball park and the pub, he called me later that night and I said that had some things to do so I might call him back later if it wasn't too late when I got finished. That was about 9pm. Instead of waiting for me to call back if I was able (like I clearly explained to him), he called 4 times between 11pm and 1am. Are you effing kidding me!? I'll call you back when I can dude! Ughhh!

So now I'm not sure what to do. Other than his non-stop chatter and his exaggerated form of verbal delivery, he's a great guy! I've never invested time in a fixer-upper, so I'm just not sure. Should I cut my losses now and not waste any more time on someone whom I'm already annoyed with after only 3 dates, or should I give it some time and see if I can groom him into a less annoying conversationalist and a less persistent suitor? I just don't know. Opinions, suggestions, advice??? Anyone???

Friday, April 10, 2009

Matchmaker. Matchmaker, make me a match...

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I think I might owe my little pre-pubescent matchmaker some major gratitude. I had my second date with Coach Bobby this afternoon and I am all smiles! I think he may be the prefect balance between old fashioned gentlemanly manners and manly, cocky, sexual tension. And that balance is ohhh so attractive!

Let me back track to the first date though. He met me for lunch Tuesday at the pizza place right across the street from my office. He told me he was waiting out front for me to walk over. When I got there I saw that there was just one person outside though and it didn't look like him. I was looking at the guy and wondering if I should call Coach Bobby to see if he was inside or something when the guy stood up and starting walking toward me with a smile. It was him. He didn't really look anything like the photo I had seen, but I'm not complaining... he was even cuter in person. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least! Lunch just flew by and there was only about one 30 second lull in conversation when we both happened to be chewing. It was great. When my lunch hour was almost up, we got up to leave and he told me he would walk me back to my office. So we got another 5-10 minutes of conversation in. Then once we got to my office, he even came in to meet my co-workers (voluntarily)! He got major brownie points for that.

We met for drinks this afternoon once he got off of work. He was wearing glasses today and made them look so friggin cute! He was flirty, but still a perfect gentleman. It's sad that good manners are so impressive to me. They should be commonplace, but unfortunately that is not always the case. He pulled my chair out for me, got the door, and held my hand while walking me to my car! Chivalry isn't dead after all! I had such a good time. Coach Bobby, while there are a few things that I'm not sure I love, really is looking quite promising right now. I'm going to need him to kiss me soon so we can see if there is a spark there.

Tomorrow, I'm going to his team's baseball game (he coaches little league, how cute!?). I'm a little nervous because all of the kids on the team and the other coaches know that we were set up by one of the kids. I think we might be a spectacle that gets a lot of attention after the game! Then I think we are supposed to go out to lunch with his best friend and his wife because he wants them to meet me! Ahhhh! I might be freaking out a little!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Batter Up!

Following the catastrophe of a blind date two weeks ago, I was set up with yet another stranger. Now I have been set up many times (probably more than my fair share!), but I must say that this is by far the most humorous set up ever. The comedy of the situation comes from the fact that the matchmaker is an 11 year old boy whom I have only met once for about 5 minutes. That's right folks, an 11 year old boy has taken it upon himself to try to ease my spinsterhood.

The boy is my boss' son and I've only briefly met him when he's come into the office with her and has been forced to display good manners and speak to everyone against his will. Well apparently he was going to suggest his newly single 18 year old sister to his unattached 31 year old baseball coach. When his mother told him that his sister was too young, he asked about the younger lady at work (aka me!). So boy set his matchmaking wheels in motion, told "Coach Bobby" about me, and instructed him to look me up on facebook and send me message. When my boss walked in to my office the next day I thought that some kind of shit was about to hit the fan, because that was the first time in 2 years that she has come into my office and sat down in front of my desk. To my disbelief, she proceeded to tell me that her son had set the wheels in motion to set me up with his baseball coach.

I was feeling pretty awkward about the situation at first. I mean, do I really want to let my boss and her family get intertwined with my personal life? What if I don't like him or what if we hit it off at first and then crash and burn. Will she take it personally? Will I have to filter my venting of work frustrations around him? Is this going to have an effect on my professional standing (good or bad)? All sorts of questions have come up. To make it ever worse, everyone in the office is making jokes and picking on me since they have heard about it. There wasn't one day last week that I wasn't asked about the situation and if we had gone out yet. But I've talked to Coach Bobby a few times anyway, via facebook and phone. We're hitting it off so far, but who knows until we are face to face. We have a lunch date today. I'm all kinds of nervous, but I'll take a swing at it. Batter up!

General Lee Update

Apparently it's a little more common than I would have imagined. I found a photo of this one that is somewhat similar. Still unbelievable...

Blind dates. Wow.

I have had the most "interesting" experiences in my dating life lately. I must share the details of my last blind date two weeks ago! Prior to the date, this guy sounded really promising. He was good "on paper" and we had a couple of great conversations by phone before getting together. Then came date day. We were supposed to meet about half way between each other for drinks and a bite to eat. Well traffic was horrendous that day due to construction. So as I am pulling off of the interstate at our designated exit, I get a call. It's him. Traffic is so bad and he has just been sitting on the interstate for 30 minutes, blah blah blah, "maybe you should just turn around and head home since today doesn't look good". Excuse me? I'm a planner, and I have had this Saturday planned around you and this damn date for the past week and a half. Are you seriously cancelling on me when I'm already here waiting on you (I'm pretty sure that's the same thing as standing me up!) ? I don't think so. So we agreed that he would get off at the next exit he creeped too and I would drive on up further to meet him. So about an hour later, since I got stuck in the same traffic, I pulled up to some random Mexican restaurant. This is where it gets interesting! I'm going to keep the points brief and let them speak for themselves:

1. He wore parachute pants! Yes, indeed. Swishy parachute pants, a cheap T-shirt, and way too white, too big, too nerdy sneakers. Way to dress to impress, buddy.
2. He texted the whole time we were talking.
3. He ordered and had started eating before I even arrived.

And Drumroll please....

4. Picture this - 1997 Geo Metro, custom painted like the 'General Lee'. With the added bonus of the 'General Lee' horn.

That's all I have to say about that.